There is no bigger humbug at the holidays than shopping. I hate it 364 days of the year. But there is one day I really enjoy: the day they call Black Friday.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. Somewhere in accounting history they decided that was the day when retailers went from operating in the red to operating in the black for the year. The day also conveniently kicks off the holiday shopping season. As most know, it is a day of frenzied anticipation that leans on the purely capitalistic attributes of greed and seasonal excess.

Back in the 1970s I worked for what we call today a "big box" retailer. We used to hate Black Friday with a passion. The day represented huge logistical challenges for running the store and it meant extra hours of work on a weekend we would much rather have enjoyed at home. It is a long holiday weekend for most folks. But it wasn't for us.

From the retailer perspective there were some good things about it, too. The fun came in deciding what kind of red meat to throw at ravenous shoppers that day. Back in those days retailers were more custom to their local markets. Centralized corporate buying was not as prevalent and as merchants we had some control over what we sold and for how much. So Black Friday was a creative outlet for us.

Our simple goal was to "stack it deep and sell it cheap". Our marching orders were to drive traffic into the store early and to squeeze that traffic for money. Contests we held between our stores purely on how many customers we had for the day and how high we could make the sales go. Little regard was given to profit. In some cases, it was "sell at all costs".

Although I have not worked retail for more than 30 years it is very clear that retailers still retain those goals. But they have refined the experience to become a very profitable one for them. The frenzy seems more controlled from the retailer's perspective because they have found ways to creatively manipulate the early crowds into just buying on Black Friday. Yes, there are still those loss leader items and there are still shoppers who "cherry-pick" the best deals. But for the most part the great give-a-ways are minimal and the regular shopping dollar is had in abundance even on the morning of Black Friday.

Perhaps that is why I enjoy being out early on Black Friday. I was one of them once. In my mind retailers of today have become masters of the trade. Every year they out-do themselves. When Wal Mart can predict how their entire holiday season is going to go by counting their billions after just the first shopping day of the season then you know it has to be good for them. Besides, the side stories of shoppers on this day are almost as predictable as the sales.

Every year some kook gets hurt or killed in a stampede. Every year they interview miserable folks who swear they will never do it again. And every year media outlets broadcast this whole bizarre scene around the world and introduce it as an American holiday ritual. I wonder what they think out there when they see Americans fall all over themselves scrambling to get a $5 toaster at six in the morning. The event has become as predictable as it has anticipated. And where there is predictability for a retailer there is profit.

I participate in Black Friday because I have to. My wife is one of those sucked in by the hype. When we were growing up the women used to spend the day and night before Thanksgiving baking pies. These days they spend it around the kitchen table pouring over ads pulled off the Internet and roadmapping the plan of attack for Friday morning. I don't join them there at the table. My part in the tradition is to wake early, warm up the car and ask "where to first?".

I've come to enjoy this because my job is to stand there with my hands in my pockets. I might end up carrying something big and heavy out to the car but mostly I mosey behind the ladies as they rush with the other wackos from one store to the next. I get to people-watch. On this day of all shopping days the observations are often pathetic and hilarious. It has become my own twisted form of holiday entertainment.

Last year we were very organized. We hit seven stores by 9 a.m. -- a new record, I think.

The worst stop is always the first stop. And that is either Wal Mart or Target. These stores draw quite the early crowd. I've been in the mass of people waiting to rush the doors. I've seen them rubbing their hands together when they finally let the crowd through and I've seen customers literally take the goods out of each other's hands in a grab for discount glory. Those first few moments, in my mind, are scary only because it is a physically unsafe situation. I've never understood why they just didn't line folks according to their desired "first grab" goals and bring the product out to them.

But the frenzy soon subsides as the real bait, er, bargains are gone within the first hour. And by then the retailers have accomplished their goal of having the store packed with people who open their wallets.

I personally have never made a purchase on Black Friday. I suppose I think I'm too good to be fooled that way. Oh, I've been tempted. The year they had the $3 dollar football telephone was tough to resist. But I purposely leave my cash at home and surrender the credit cards to the wife.

Instead, I make note of what people are doing. I listen to the sad cries of children who have been pulled from their beds by a bargain hungry parent. I observe the bickering between couples who cannot decided where to go first and which store is more important. I chuckle at the arguments over who has too many of a discounted item or the moans by those who missed out. I especially love the defense taken by store employees who tell a dismayed shopper at 6:10 am that if they wanted the advertised item they should have arrived earlier.

The best part about Black Friday is the fact that we are home before noon every year. That is the one and only shopping day where that happens. Most of the time when I am dragged out to the mall it means a long excursion into evening hours. But Black friday starts well before dawn and ends while there is still a holiday weekend to enjoy.