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My Mothers

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Posted 05-06-2011 at 08:57 PM by caninemom3
Tags love, mary, mother, nani, susy

It is Friday night and though I am absolutely exhausted from this past work week I am sitting pondering my mothers. Yes, plural. There have been a few who have been like mothers to me.

As odd as this may sound, my late first husband was quite maternal in the way he behaved at times, in affection always doting on me, always telling me he was proud of me, always helping me to believe in ME, always available to talk, share ideas with, shop, discuss books, but especially wanting the best for me. I am so blessed to have had him in my life for the 20 years we were married. I will always miss him.

My sister, as I call her, "Nani" after the movie Lilo and Stitch, has been very much like a mother to me. In the movie the little girl, Lilo, had a big sister whose name is Nani. Nani in the movie was the only person left from Lilo's family as their parents were dead (exactly as it is in real life for me). There is one scene where Lilo is being a bit of a brat (that holds true in this case too) and screams into her pillow because of a disagreement with Nani. What Lilo doesn't know is that Nani is also screaming into her pillow as well. Even though it is an animated movie, the relationship between the two sisters reminds me so of my sister and I. When I was little my sister was so important in teaching me so many wonderful things. She introduced me to classical music, jazz, art. She drew paper dolls for me. When I would get scared at night because of a movie I watched, my sister would hug me and take the time to explain how it was just a movie and how what I had just seen was done which helped. Knowing how the horror was created made it less real. She also explained all about how Santa could be so many places at once.....

All through my life, my Nani has been with me. She had a job as a kid working as a teller. I remember one Summer Nani and I walked downtown to one of the department stores which is no longer here and on her meager salary she bought me things. She did not buy one thing for herself, it was all for Lilo the brat. Nani always sang to me when I was really little at Christmastime. She and my two brothers would sing Carols to put me to sleep.....Even though I was wee little (maybe 1 or 2 ?) I remember them singing to me, in particular my Nani.

When my husband died in 1992, it was Nani who came and took me everywhere I needed to go and who hovered very near just as an angel would until I could get my bearings and go on with life.

A very important mother to me and who should be important to all of us is Mother Earth. She is our home. Our sustenance. I weep for her as I see what mankind is putting her through. I don't know if this mother is going to survive, but if she does not, it is my own belief we have ourselves to thank. We seriously should be taking care of this mother as if we do not we are doomed. We need to stop polluting her air, stop putting oil into her oceans as well as nuclear waste......Even the most loving of mothers runs out of resources eventually and she deserves to be treated with much more love and respect than she is getting.

Mary, the mother of our Lord, Jesus has been an ever guiding light in my life. As a Catholic I was taught she is my spiritual mother. For those not Catholic, no, I don't worship her, however, I do love her and respect her. I have spoken so many times to Mary as one woman to another. I know she has faced many of the things I have had to face. When I pray to her, I ask her to intercede for me to her Son. There are just some times I feel like I need a friend to speak for me and Mary has always been there for me.

Then there is my real and true mother, Susy. I don't even know how to start. For those of you who have read my blog, you know what Susy means to me.

My very earliest memories are as a very little child, perhaps 2 ?, being with my mom watching I Love Lucy in the 1950s. It is a fuzzy memory but I remember the black and white set and being with her on the couch.

Susy was very slight in build, little more thatn 5 feet tall and not even 90 pounds. That at least was the OUTSIDE. On the inside, she could be quite timid. She allowed my dad to walk on her for years with his alcoholism and verbal abuse and one time I remember he hit her. But Susy would only take so much. Then the lioness in her soul would leap forth and that pretty much would end whatever the disagreement was.

She taught me about God, about animals and how they have souls and go to heaven, about not being prejudice because someone is different. She taught me manners. Everything was to be "Yes maam, no maam, or yes sir, no sir.." And I was never to call anyone older by their first name unless I asked permission. I was always to show respect for others. Susy read to me, especially at Christmas. I still have the tattered copy of The Book of Knowledge with the Christmas stories in she read to me. The pages are yellowed with age and quite obviously taped at one point because little fingers got hold of them. I treasure this book and when I pick it up and read the treasured Christmas stories in it.....I hear my mother's voice and I feel her spirit gently here with me, telling me she still loves me and that she has never left my side.......

We were great friends. Very close. She had been a housewife for years but there came a time when I was perhaps 13 when my father decided to drink up his paycheck. As my sister and two brothers were already grown and out of the house, I was the last one left at home, the baby of the family. My mother gathered all her lioness strength and got a job as a kitchen worker at a local restaurant and got her drivers license. This was when she was in her mid 50s and had been out of the work force for many years.

She did it for me. She did EVERYTHING for me. I know she must have been scared but that didn't seem to matter. She forged ahead and she suceeded. She became a valuable member of the restaurant's team and her self esteem got quite a boost as well. She was no longer under my father's thumb, which was very good not only for me but for Susy as well.

She was always at my bedside when I was sick no matter how she felt. I could ALWAYS count on Susy. As a young girl when "that time of the month" came I suffered from debilitating cramps. In fact, the doctor told my mother that because of my small anatomy these cramps were like labor pains in intensity. Susy would do everything to alleviate my pain, be it rubbing my back, my tummy or holding my hand when the pain was at its worst, Susy did it. Why didn't I show her the same kind of love while I could ?

We laughed together and had many silly adventures together as well as sad ones. We clung to one another when my first husband, David, died, when my brothers both died and when my dad died. I was there when she died but I could not bear to be in the room to watch her go flat line which was quite selfish. She needed me, and I let her down.

All of these people and entities have been in one way or another a mother to me. I would not be who I am today without any of them. It is amazing to me the lack of respect some children have for their parents these days, especially their mothers.

I hope one day to see the people I mentioned in this blog again, but of course especially Susy. First I want to apologize to her. Then I want to hug her and never let go.....Seems like a nice way to spend eternity to me.

Happy Mother's Day to all my mothers. Thank you for caring about me. I love you all so much.
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  1. Old Comment
    trackrebel's Avatar
    beautiful beautiful words.......and what a great vision of eternity.....embracing Your mother....or Your child, Your father.....Your loved ones.....a very soothing thought....Your blog really touched my heart!!!
    Posted 05-07-2011 at 05:39 PM by trackrebel trackrebel is offline
  2. Old Comment
    One Spoiled Brat's Avatar
    Awesome....Thank you for sharing....I pray you have a delightful day, and thank you for always being such a blessing.....God be with you, always....
    Posted 05-08-2011 at 08:15 AM by One Spoiled Brat One Spoiled Brat is offline

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