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Old

Mixed Feelings and the Holidays!

Posted 12-23-2011 at 07:12 AM by gabulldawg

Well I can't believe it's the holidays again. As the song goes "another year older,Another year just begun" or however it goes...I have somewhat mixed feelings this year at the holidays and feel guilty for having them at all.
Back in 2009 at the holidays I was just getting back on my feet from a divorce from being married 13 years so everyone kinda expected me to be a mess and I was. I don't remember getting out of bed except to work the month of December. Last year was a really good holiday season. I don't remember feeling like this. As I am in the final days before I offically and finally become a dad I find myself questioning alot of things...and I really had high hopes for this holiday season. But on November 6 of this year everything changed in a big way with my parents getting injured and my dad having a major stroke and even though he made it,and may somewhat recover,it hurts me that I know he is hurting this season and I can't help it,I know he wants to be home...
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I am with you.

Posted 05-16-2011 at 10:16 AM by gabulldawg

After my lunch break today I was putting my laptop up and found a card tucked away that Brandi left for me to find.She writes and teaches Literature so I am moved and wanted to share it here...it's for when i leave on june 5th.....
I am with you


As I imagine what you are doing, I feel you by my side,
like the morning when you left me, I wish I'd never cried,
for your shoulders were heavy with guilt and lots of sadness too,
Last words echoed inside my head of "I'll be coming home to you".
And there your kiss left mine until some distant day,
to be your last (you promised) that you shall never go away.
So I sit here looking out, on to fields so green,
whilst you have only dessert and views you will have only seen.
But rest assured I am with you, deep inside your heart,
I would always be your strength and angel, you knew that from the start.
To guide you through your dark days and help you...
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Glory Days..

Posted 03-16-2011 at 07:14 AM by gabulldawg

First of all,this is coming from an uber medicated,fever ridden individual with ramblings going on my head constantly,just keep that in mind.

I often have dreams of being back in high school during my senior year glory days, and it is like I am still hanging around the same people and same situations and I even still look 17. Those were the days of sneaking out and staying up all night,or going to the beach for the weekend,no worries at all.All I worried about was myself and how I looked on the outside.
When I entered my early 20's I enlisted in the Military and for the first 3 years worried constantly I would fail and get kicked out,I always heard from old friends who would joke about me even serving and thinking I would not last,looking back it makes me very angry and I wonder if that later made me try even harder to succeed. I question constantly if I have taken the right path in everything I have done in the last 18 years since high school has ended. And I wonder...
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Goodbye Old Friend Winter

Posted 03-02-2011 at 11:23 AM by gabulldawg

Today as I was on my lunchbreak I walked around the grounds on my base and saw all the blooms on the trees,and it was so beautiful. I could not help but feel some sadness though at the passage of the season winter.

It made me think about comparing winter to an old friend you have had since childhood. Now I know I have complained alot in posts about how cold I was and how sick and tired I was of winter especially by late January. I always love to see winter come,and count down the days practically! Just like when an old friend come to visit you in your home,at first everything is great! you catch up on old times talking about the past,and you plan on all the things you will do together while they are here!

After the first week though little annoyances set in,and by the second week you are ready to get back to your old routine! As they walk out the door after you hug them and tell them you will see them next visit you begin to feel a heavy heart afterall they...
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