It's the holiday season again, and just like last year, i'm trying to get into the spirit by watching Holiday specials.
This year, i tried to start early, i even put up the Christmas tree and most of the decorations before Dec. 1st. However, for the last 7 days, i have been watching Holiday specials, and just like last year, my attempts to make them sink into my brain are thwarted by my active imagination running wild. I even have to deal with some old wounds as i inadvertently remember some bad things in my past. All of this is still happening even while i'm typing all of this. It's as if my brain is going out of its way to block out any attempts to enjoy the holidays.
And if that wasn't bad enough, just like with Thanksgiving, my attempts to think about the main things that Christmas is about: kindness to those around you, generosity, wishes and hope, are always thwarted by thoughts brought up by the following phrase: Real world, Real life, reality and Fairy Tales.
For example, whenever i think about someone showing kindness and generosity or just being hopeful and wishful, i'm haunted by past shows and movies that would point out that that's not how the world works, and somehow that just haunts me to no end.