Welcome mediauwant. First I am so sorry for your loss. And I understand exactly what you are saying. My 20 year old step son was killed in a car accident in Aug, 2012. Obviously unexpected. I've told family and friends many times since then, you never know when something like this will happen. Always keep in the back of your mind, this might be the last time you see someone, the last words you say to them. Will you be OK, if they leave and don't come back, with what you've just said to them? Or are about to say to them? If not, say something else. My parents are both in their mid-late 80s, and my sister and I do a lot of their care now, doing their pills, housecleaning, running them to doctor appointments, grocery shopping etc., When their time comes, I want to be able to say I was a good daughter, they know I love them, and I did everything I could to make their last days the best they could be. I also remember my mother saying years ago, that she hoped when she died it was close to Christmas. I asked her why? She LOVES Christmas. She told me she didn't want to wait too long to be able to sing Christmas carols with a choir of angels. So I know when her time comes, I'll be smiling all season long, thinking of her at choir practice with the angels. And none of that new fangled stuff either, it's going to be good, old fashioned choir music too! Maybe your wife is up there now, happily singing with the angels.
mediauwant, I took a little seminar last year on Grief during the Holidays. I typed up my notes and have given them out to a few others when they needed them. I am going to go find them, and post them here for you. God Bless, and Merry Christmas.