What to do?
I'll be frank and try to explain this as best as i can.
Every Christmas for as long as i've been old enough to actually care, i've tried to watch Holiday specials by the dozens (even holidays i don't even celebrate; Hanukkah and Kwanzaa) in my attempts to get into the holiday spirit. I once even made a "memoir" of sorts reflecting all i've done around this time over the years. But in recent years, whenever i try to watch something related to the holidays, i either open an old wound when i think back to a particularly damaging moment in my past around this time of year or my mind just wanders to something else and my imagination runs wild and remakes certain shows i've watched in ways that seem wrong and unsettling to me. But the worst part is, it's taken me nearly 7 days to watch the list of specials i made and the DVDs i have to get into the holiday spirit and with Christmas Eve only 4 days away, i don't have time to watch them all again, maybe some, but that's not the point. What's wrong with me? I'm losing it! The same thing happened with Halloween too.