Sorry for your losses. The only thing I have to offer is a quote from "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke that was read at a friend's funeral who lost her battle with cancer at a young age leaving husband and sons behind.
" Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
"Christmas stays if we don't forget its meaning"
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i can't tell you how touched i was to log on here today and see all your lovely replies. each and every reply has helped me and i have drew strength from them.
i can't talk to god, i just can't. but i have spoken to our lord jesus and our lady with the help of some church wardens at my church. it helped. also i am starting an alpha course at church tomorrow which supposedly explains the meaning of life from a christian perspective. i signed up about 8 weeks ago and it has started at the right time.
i still cry most days, i miss him. however, i am determined to make this christmas amazing. i'm in charge of christmas in my family and i don't want to let them down, i want to give them a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing christmas, so i have to return to some type of normality, although part of all our lives will never be the same again.
20 is just too young, and we have no idea why he died yet. we will know later this month at the inquest.
i watched a christmas movie today, someone was dying in it (it was a depressing christmas movie!) and he asked "why is god taking me?" the person he was talking to said "god isn't taking you, he is receiving you" that made me feel better and my anger has subsided a little. i'm sure i'll be able to speak to god again soon enough.
Despite my username, I am female!
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