Sorry for your losses. The only thing I have to offer is a quote from "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke that was read at a friend's funeral who lost her battle with cancer at a young age leaving husband and sons behind.
" Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
"Christmas stays if we don't forget its meaning"