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  #1  
Old 09-29-2008, 09:52 PM
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Bullies, Suicides and dumb principals

I don't know what's going on in today's world but it is really frightening to hear and see. I have kids that think they have no self worth and want to kill themselves or self mutilate. I read on the forum that children are being bullied and it's ok by their parents to act like this. I would love to say bad parenting but I can't. Society is to blame just as much as the toxic environment those people live in. I was bullied and a bully, so I have seen it from both sides. I was bullied because I have red hair and freckles and I didn't look like everyone else. I bullied because of the power and the thrill it gave me. But I didn't use physical force in school, I used the mental side of it because that was what I learned from my parents. Sad, but true. I grew up knowing that there were no do overs (dead is dead). I knew what reality was and what was a cartoon. I do believe in corp. punishment and I think that responsiblity and accountability need to be taught and inforced in the schools. Teachers and schools are not babysitters, children should feel safe in that environment as should the teachers. Children that don't follow rules should be punished and if the parents don't like it, tough cookies. I'd rather have parents mad then dead students or kids that think suicide is the answer. For those of you that have read my latest thread about my students or all of the deaths in the last month, I just found out that one more decided he couldn't deal with the pressure and feeling all alone and he hung himself last Thursday. I found out today and the funeral is tomorrow. I am so angry that I could spit nickels, nails etc. I know we are don't have a Leave it to Beaver life anymore, but something has to change. We are all unique and individual and a gift from above. We each have a talent or gift and we each need to be treasured. The principal in Texas needs to pull their head out and think about his charges (students/teachers) and realize that his way is jeopardizing many children and families. Let's hope he isn't the next school shooting on T.V.
Sorry about the ranting and raving, had to vent.
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Old 09-29-2008, 11:15 PM
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I feel your pain. We lost a neighbor kid in this fashion a few years back.

But there is blame a-plenty to go around.

First of all, schools, for as bad as they are now, have really ham-strung teachers. Teachers are so afraid to act due to lawsuits and claims of abuse. Administrators are absolutely paralyzed due to fear of litigation and bad press. Kids who a generation before wouldn't be allowed to be in schools practically run the places now.

2nd, too many parents, doctors AND ESPECIALLY teachers are turning to medication to manage kids. These meds have serious side effects ESPECIALLY suicide. There simply aren't as many ADD or ADHD kids are are being diagnosed. These kids don't need medication, they need their mothers and they need present, engaged fathers. Full time, all the time, year round, from age zero to 19. Period.

3rd, parents can learn to say "no". Standards are standards. You DON'T have to let your kids pick their own friends. You DON'T have to allow them to listen, read or watch whatever they want. It is ok to say NO. In fact, kids like it more when you do. They feel that thing called love when you do that.

My heart breaks for what you're going through. We have been there in the most intimate way and we know precisely what it is like. Give your heart to those directly affected but take those lessons home and don't let down your guard.
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Old 09-30-2008, 01:59 AM
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Jeff You are so right about the ADD thing.....it happens so much over here in Germany as well.....I am sure there are some children who require the meds.....but not close as many as it is done these days....The diagnose of Attention Deficite Syndrom has gone through the roof in the last few years....seems like Doctor´s are throwing around with recipes (we get recipes to go the pharmacy and get the medication) for Ritalin and that stuff around them......I think it´s highly dangerous...and more and more people are starting to see the problem....I hope they will do something about it!
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Old 09-30-2008, 08:45 AM
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When I hear stories about these kids that commit suicide, the first thing I think is...where are the parents? I'm certainly not trying to be judgemental here but did they not see anything going on with their child? I know we are not perfect but we need to try and stay in tune with our children as much as possible and pay attention,and mostly listen and communicate. I communicate with my children everyday...sure they may get sick of mom being so in touch with them so much,but I'd rather them know that Im there so they know they can come to me when they are going through anything, and I do mean anything.
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Old 09-30-2008, 09:05 AM
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Yes, i agree that ADD is way over diagnosed...sometimes a spanking is in order.Its very sad what many children have to endure...breaks my heart. I have been there..my children are my world and its my job to protect them. I can see why some parents homeschool. I wish I could at times....
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Old 09-30-2008, 09:10 AM
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Society and bad parenting are to blame! It upsets me soo badly hear stories of bullying or suicides. I get fired up when I'm in the store and see a 3 year old telling mom and dad what to do and they do it. Parents need to stop being friends and start parenting. Sure your kids may dislike you for a short period of time but they'll thank you a lifetime later on in life.
MOST principals and teachers are afraid to discipline their students because it may come back as bad publicity on the School Board. They're scared of being fired and sued. If people would put as much time into making sure theres a safe and healthy enviroment as they do about caring what other people think we'd have a wonderful school system and better parents.
We as parents need to step up and take a good look at our children. Make sure your children know they are loved and supported. Let them know it's ok to talk about their problems with you. Look at your childrens friends, and get to know them. IF every parent took the extra step kids today would be soo much better off and the world would be a better place. Parents today can be soo lazy when it comes to parenting. UGH!!
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Old 09-30-2008, 09:24 AM
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Before my second oldest sister became an administrator in the Atlanta BoE, she was a teacher for about 7 years. She had several students who she had been told had "learning disabilities" and ADD. Once she got them and basically told them she didn't take no mess...they didn't seem to have ADD anymore! They were calm, attentive, and with a lot of help and tutoring, excelled in their studies. But she loved being a teacher and was willing to stay after school and help students if they needed her. So many teachers end up just going into teaching because they feel they have nothing else they can do or they feel that's the only job they can get. With teaching, your heart has to be in it because the money and the circumstances surrounding your job aren't all that great! My mom owns a preschool, my middle sister is now an administrator, my dad and two of his brothers are retired principals and two of my cousins are teachers...I contemplated becoming one myself, but I love writing!

One ongoing problem they all kept encountering was the parents lack of involvement and responsibility for their child. I understand it takes a village, but in today's world, you don't know how trustworthy some of the village residents are! Which is why I think we can only trust ourselves and our families to raise our own children. Schools are overcrowded in so many areas, and unfortunately, teachers don't have the time or the resources to take over the job of raising the children, they barely have time to teach them because they spend most of their day trying to wrangle 35-40 kids in. Our public school systems are horribly broken and dysfunctional. We need smaller class sizes so that teachers will actually be able to give each child the attention they need in order to succeed as well as detect problems students might be having before it's too late. One of my friends little brothers was in 9th grade and ended up committing suicide and no one had no idea it was coming. Had teachers actually been able to observe their class room and interact with their students instead of yelling at them from the chalk board, it might have been different.
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Old 09-30-2008, 09:28 AM
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i despair of the way this world is going, and yes jana, i agree. sometimes spanking IS needed. all this "molly coddling" and "wrapping up in cotton wool" that goes on is ridiculous. if a child is persistently disobedient and you have tried to talk to him/her and resolve the situation, yet they still aren't listening, then a good old fashioned spank/smack is perfectly acceptable in my opinion.

90% of all problems is because of the parents and society.

over here in britain, a few months ago a single parent father who was a volunteer (working with kids) was having a tough time with his daughter. she was staying out late, answering back and being a general pain in the butt. one night he looked out of his window to see if she was on her way home (it was really late) and he seen her banging on her neighbours door and running away laughing. he was furious, ran outside and gave her a slap across the face. she rang the police and now he cannot volunteer working with children anymore??????? what the heck???????? the little brat deserved it! he explained he has tried talking to her/grounding her etc.. and he was at the end of his tether. needless to say she is a well behaved girl now.

also, a friend of mine is a teacher, she asked one her pupils (16 year old) to move out of the way so she could pass her. the girl responded with "who the **** are you talking to? i'll get you shot if you ever speak to me like that again" SHOT???? what is this world coming to? the girl only got 5 days suspension! and her parents do not care. in my opinion, that is why she is the way she is - her parents, and also the fact that the school just let her get away with it.
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Old 09-30-2008, 09:41 AM
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I agree with the spanking too. My moms school is a Christian academy and she gets written permission from the parents to spank children of a certain age. She explains to them the process, the "Rod of Correction" aka "Roc" and how many times a child has to get in trouble before a spanking is received. If the parents disagree with her, she will refuse to enroll the child! Before my mom even considers enrolling a child, she conducts an interview with the parents and the child(s). If the child is running around, screaming, saying "No" and being generally disobedient, she'll wait to see what the parent does, then tell them what they might need to do next time. If the parent is open and receptive to the advice, she'll consider them, if not, they're out the door!

It's crazy what I've seen kids today get away with! My mom only had to spank me a total of 3 times in my life...you know why? Cause that woman put the fear of GOD in me!! I knew not to speak when adults were speaking, I knew to respect my elders and I knew if I ever...ever talked back, that might be the last thing I ever said! Compared to my sisters, I was the "bad" one. They only got spanked once or twice each because she had us all lined up straight! She had to run a tight ship though because my parents were divorced and she had to work full time and be a mom full time. We all turned out pretty ok too! 3 girls= one doctor, one teacher/school administrator, one writer (me!). My mommy is my hero
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Old 09-30-2008, 10:03 AM
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reine - your mum has clearly done a wonderful job. the world needs more parents like her.

i too received a smack from my mum if i ever stepped out of line, my dad never smacked me, because he didn't need to. just a look was enough. we were taught to have the utmost respect for him and not to dare answer back. i have turned out pretty good, i have respect for my elders and the people around me and i have good, decent morals and manners.
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