You're the elf! You're really psyched about Christmas. Really really psyched. Like, maybe you should get yourself checked out psyched. Seriously, this level of psych just isn't normal. But you are a welcome change from all the Scrooges and Grinches out there.
You're Jesus! That's good, right? Instead of writing something here and offending about half the people who read it, I'll quote the Simpsons, and let Homer offend them instead. ''Let's just say, about a million years ago, a dude was born who some of us think was magic, but others don't, and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen.''