I went and rode out the storm by watching the Grinch on DVD and ended up falling asleep. Now it's 4 am and everything seems to be working alright. Sheep, I got your PM and responded to it. Let me know if you get (or don't get) the response.
Now as for the ****ant responsible for this. I propose there be a bounty placed on his head. Perhaps Elfworks could bake the reward for information regarding his whereabouts. We will put him in a room with Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life playing in constant loop until he's either converted to one of us goes crazy.
(leaving the door open for remarks concerning our own sanity)