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  #1  
Old 07-23-2012, 03:13 PM
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Hi my friends!
Well it's safe to say that I have not been around MMC as much as I would have liked to. It has been a very tough and tumultuous couple of months. My best friends mother passed away suddenly at the age of 52 and it truly changed me in so many ways. For those of you who do not know, I do not have a relationship with my mother or my father. My mother was unable to be a good parent so I moved into a group home when I was 16 and have been on my own ever since. My dad is homeless and a drug addict and an alcoholic. I have three sisters but we have somewhat drifted apart. Going back to my friend's mother, I had the opportunity to see her in the hospital after she had passed. My heart broke for my friend and her family, and all I could think was "I miss my mom, I need to re-connect". In an attempt to do so, I was shut down with some pretty awful comments. This internally ripped me apart. After trying to help my friend cope, my own grandmother passed away in Toronto. I was unable to see her and had not seen her in four years as I haven't been financially able to make it down there. This again, ripped me apart. It seems since 2012 started, nothing has really been working out the way it should. For a long time, I've felt alone and sad. When my heart is hurting and I can't seem to stop crying, I turn on my Christmas lights, play some nice Christmas music and pop on over to MMC. I know I've said this before, but this website, all of you my dear friends, have saved me. Your kindness, your love, and your friendship means so very much to me. In my darkest hour, your love and support has been a light in my life that I truly needed. At 23, I can imagine that many more trials and tribulations are coming my way, and I will need to be brave and face them head on... but knowing that I can always come here and be welcomed with open arms makes me feel so much better. Regardless if I talk to you often or not, please know that every single member on here brings me so much joy and happiness. I may not be on MMC as much as I would like, but just know that you guys have gotten me through some of the worst times.
I thank you, all of you.

Your friend,
-Michelle
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  #2  
Old 07-23-2012, 07:21 PM
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Michelle,

I know that we have never spoken but after reading what you have said above, I feel compelled to tell you a story.

Where to begin....I am now 48, and I am a survivor of Child abuse. I still sometimes, feel some sort of pain. loss, wanting, anger and hurt, deep, deep down inside my heart because of feelings that are seared into these un-wanted memories, that I will have to carry around with me, every day of my life. For you see, I was a child that was not wanted by my mother, I was blamed by her for all her misery and pain (of being married to my alcoholic father and having other children by him) and she took it out on me for her mistake and therfore, I was subject to constant beatings by her, my hair pulled out, I was beat with brushes, wooden spoons, belt buckles, whatever she could get her hands on... It got alot worse at times for me, sometimes, my father would beat me so much, I would be bleeding from my mouth, my nose, thrown thru walls, glass panes, etc... and then an hour later he would tell me, "I love you and think the world of you".

My grandparents helped to save me and gave me some sort of life by pulling me out of there and let me live with them every summer, holiday break, but even then, I always was made to go back home, so I could go to a school near them and also because my mother hated my grandmother for mothering me and so, I always had to go back to the madness until I turned 17 and I graduated from High School and went into the Navy for 6 years. When I got back home 6 years later, I was now a man, but also I was an angry man at 23... At that point, I hated the world, hated my life and hated what had happened to me and I started to take it out on everyone around me... But again, my grandparents were there, they saw my struggles and helped me thru some of my lowest points in my life so far. They were and still are, my best friends, my mentors and my real true mother and father, because they were always there for me. I also realized that I needed help to help me sort out my feelings, so I went to therapy for awhile and my wife went with me. We have known each other since she was 15 and I was 23 (when we first met) but I never told her all of the things that had happened to me, she was horrified and she cried as I recalled them from my memories.

In the end, now that I look back, because of my grandparents, I went back to school, studied Engineering, meet my wife, had two beautiful children and I am here today. It has always been a struggle somtimes with my feelings, but I swore to myself and the Lord above that I would not become my parents ---I broke the chain. I have never laid a hand on my wife and children and I never will. I am responsible for me and my actions, I want to Love and be loved and I want my children to feel what I never had.

I'm now happy and at peace with my life because I am always looking ahead and not back, I have not told too many people about this, But I wanted you to know that your not alone and that even if things are bad and your somewhat down on your luck, remember, it can always be alot worse. Remember that it is you, that needs to make yourself happy, live life, experience things, take small steps and in time you will realize that you have come along way from all your pain my dear......I hope this helps

PS I feel very much like apart of a very special group of friends here at MMC and I and glad that you are here as well....
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  #3  
Old 07-23-2012, 07:57 PM
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It's good to see you back Michelle. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a hard year. Know that we count you as a valuable part of the family here and we are here whenever you need us. I'll be praying that things get easier for you.
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  #4  
Old 07-24-2012, 09:29 AM
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Michelle: I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that we are all here for you. I myself have had some personal issues (nothing as severe as yours) but knowing that we can come onto this wonderful website and have the Christmas spirit year round keeps us going strong. May God bless you and give you the strength that you need to pull through all of this.
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Old 07-24-2012, 10:22 AM
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21 16x16

Originally Posted by MichelleluvsChristmas View Post
Hi my friends!
Well it's safe to say that I have not been around MMC as much as I would have liked to. It has been a very tough and tumultuous couple of months. My best friends mother passed away suddenly at the age of 52 and it truly changed me in so many ways. For those of you who do not know, I do not have a relationship with my mother or my father. My mother was unable to be a good parent so I moved into a group home when I was 16 and have been on my own ever since. My dad is homeless and a drug addict and an alcoholic. I have three sisters but we have somewhat drifted apart. Going back to my friend's mother, I had the opportunity to see her in the hospital after she had passed. My heart broke for my friend and her family, and all I could think was "I miss my mom, I need to re-connect". In an attempt to do so, I was shut down with some pretty awful comments. This internally ripped me apart. After trying to help my friend cope, my own grandmother passed away in Toronto. I was unable to see her and had not seen her in four years as I haven't been financially able to make it down there. This again, ripped me apart. It seems since 2012 started, nothing has really been working out the way it should. For a long time, I've felt alone and sad. When my heart is hurting and I can't seem to stop crying, I turn on my Christmas lights, play some nice Christmas music and pop on over to MMC. I know I've said this before, but this website, all of you my dear friends, have saved me. Your kindness, your love, and your friendship means so very much to me. In my darkest hour, your love and support has been a light in my life that I truly needed. At 23, I can imagine that many more trials and tribulations are coming my way, and I will need to be brave and face them head on... but knowing that I can always come here and be welcomed with open arms makes me feel so much better. Regardless if I talk to you often or not, please know that every single member on here brings me so much joy and happiness. I may not be on MMC as much as I would like, but just know that you guys have gotten me through some of the worst times.
I thank you, all of you.

Your friend,
-Michelle
Hey Michelle,
I'm so very sorry that you've been going through such a difficult time. Sending lots of hugs your way. You are such a kind & giving person, and we are lucky to have you as part of our Christmas family. I pray that things will get better with time, and your heart will heal. I'm always here for you, if you want to talk. God bless you, my friend.

Much love~
Stacey
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  #6  
Old 07-24-2012, 07:31 PM
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Thank you guys. I just wanted everyone to know how thankful I am to have such great friends here at MMC!
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_missing you everyday CM <3
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  #7  
Old 07-24-2012, 07:38 PM
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Sending hugs and Christmas love...
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  #8  
Old 07-26-2012, 07:11 PM
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I wish I could give you words of wisdom or comfort but all I can say is that I'm truely sorry that you have been going through this difficult time. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things get better for you. We're all here if you need us!
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  #9  
Old 07-27-2012, 03:23 PM
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Michelle,
Welcome back. I know that no words could ever express what you've went through or the loss you've exprienced. Please know that we're all here if you ever need anything. God Bless. We're so glad to have you as part of our MMC family. Praying for you.

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Old 07-27-2012, 05:03 PM
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JOHNOR JOHNOR is offline
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one day you will find so much hapiness, michelle, and things will get much easier. stay strong and stay positive. xxx
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