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  #31  
Old 10-01-2012, 10:50 AM
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((((hugs))) and God Bless you and your family.

I firmly believe that our love ones want us to go on and not dwell on their absence but instead celebrate the presence of those who are still with us.

The Bible indeed says there is a time to mourn and I know from personal experience, mourning can consume us if we allow it.

Holidays can be extremely difficult but that time can also be a blessing.

Whatever you decide to do to celebrate this Christmas season must be your decision. Do what comforts you and makes you a blessing to those around you.

Let your love for family motivate and inspire you to celebrate with them.
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  #32  
Old 10-01-2012, 11:40 AM
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I am sorry to hear of your loss. I know that the first Christmas without my Dad was rough, but it helped to keep everything as normal as possible. My Mom, my sister and myself took comfort from the fact that we still had each other, and that we were still having our Christmas together. It was also a big comfort to think that when we see Dad again, we will be able to celebrating Christmas with him and with some of the angels that sang on the First Christmas. It's still painful to think of the people that we have loved and that have died, and it's not wrong to grieve. But I hope it's comforting to you to know that life not only continues after death, but it continues in a better place.
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  #33  
Old 10-01-2012, 07:16 PM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my uncle in April and Christmas will be very different for us this year. I know losing my uncle is no comparison to losing a child. The reason it will be difficult for us is that Christmas Eve was a very big deal at his house every year and has been for nearly 25 years. That tradition has come to a screeching halt and since he has passed away the house will be sold and Christmas Eve will no longer take place there. I am very sad for this but I have already been brainstorming ways to make this Christmas special in honor of him and to make the whole family feel comfortable. It will be very hard to not be able to walk through the door of his house to celebrate and instead have Christmas at another house. I felt honored that his family let me have almost all of his Christmas decorations so at least I have that as a memory of celebrating at his house. He did leave 5 children and 2 grandchildren behind so I am trying to work on something special so it will not be so hard on everyone, including myself. I miss him dearly! My uncle was such a great man and I know he wants us to enjoy life. I do have a good feeling that Christmas will be okay for all of us because he would have wanted it that way. We will try and do our best!

I have had a few losses right before Christmas in the past and somehow Christmas has been therapy for me. I lost my grandmother one year in October, another year lost my best friend in November. Christmas brought me joy and I felt peace celebrating even though I missed my loved ones. I cannot guarantee that Christmas will always be therapy for me and always work in times like this but I hope it does.

I don't know that I have anything to recommend in your situation but wanted to share what my family and I have gone through. As others mentioned that you and your family will have to do what is comfortable with you all. I also feel your son would want you all to have a Merry Christmas and be happy. I know right now that is hard to think about. I pray that Christmas will be a joy in someway for everyone in memory of your son. I will be praying for comfort during this difficult time.
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  #34  
Old 10-01-2012, 07:30 PM
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Bless you heart. The sudden loss of my father has been the most devistating event in my life, and I know that can't compare to the loss of a child. That is the most frightening thing I could imagine.

We'll certainly pray from you and your family. Please let me know if I can do anything at all for you.
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  #35  
Old 10-02-2012, 08:35 AM
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts this season.
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  #36  
Old 10-02-2012, 08:57 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, that has to be devastating. I won't say I know how it is, because no one can. I have lost loved ones close to or during the holiday season though, so I'll just share some things that worked for me. First, be gentle with yourselves. Don't tell yourself you "should" be doing this or that, or feeling this or that. Everyone's grief is different. With the holidays--do as much or as little as feels right and helps you. It may be that not everyone in the family can do as much as others; if you make things as loose as possible that will make that better. There are churches that offer "Blue Christmas" services shortly before the holiday for people dealing with grief or sadness--my church restarted the practice last year, and I found it incredibly moving and very helpful. If you can find something similar in your area, you might consider attending the service. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your family during the coming months. (((((Hugs)))))
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  #37  
Old 10-02-2012, 01:58 PM
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Thank you all for the kind words, thought and prayers. All are appreciated. We know it's going to be a hard year, the first of everything without him, and are bracing ourselves for it. We've been talking about different types of grief counceling, there is a Compassionate Friends support group near us, all families that have lost children. Also our pastor and his wife lost a son years ago, before they came to our church, so we didn't know him. But he has the personal experience in addition to the training to deal with grief that all pastors have. So, we'll do something. My husband keeps saying he doesn't know what he needs to do to get through this, and I keep saying none of us do, we just have to do what we feel is right at each moment, and hold on to each other as a family, and support each other, cry when we need to, laugh when we need to, walk away when we need to, and know that whatever we have to do to get through each moment is OK. It hasn't even been 6 weeks, it will take time for the raw pain to go away, to have the rough edges smoothed out enough that we can get through each day a little easier. It's not something you can ever prepare yourself for. Again, thank you all, and I'll try to keep coming back here and checking things out as the Season approaches. I've already done a little online shopping for Christmas, so, the Christmas Spirit isn't totally gone.
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Old 10-03-2012, 10:36 PM
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My thoughts & prayers are with you! Sending you support & strength. God bless.
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  #39  
Old 10-04-2012, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by sgrover View Post
Thank you all for the kind words, thought and prayers. All are appreciated. We know it's going to be a hard year, the first of everything without him, and are bracing ourselves for it. We've been talking about different types of grief counceling, there is a Compassionate Friends support group near us, all families that have lost children. Also our pastor and his wife lost a son years ago, before they came to our church, so we didn't know him. But he has the personal experience in addition to the training to deal with grief that all pastors have. So, we'll do something. My husband keeps saying he doesn't know what he needs to do to get through this, and I keep saying none of us do, we just have to do what we feel is right at each moment, and hold on to each other as a family, and support each other, cry when we need to, laugh when we need to, walk away when we need to, and know that whatever we have to do to get through each moment is OK. It hasn't even been 6 weeks, it will take time for the raw pain to go away, to have the rough edges smoothed out enough that we can get through each day a little easier. It's not something you can ever prepare yourself for. Again, thank you all, and I'll try to keep coming back here and checking things out as the Season approaches. I've already done a little online shopping for Christmas, so, the Christmas Spirit isn't totally gone.
Sandy, I don't know if you are a reader, but I would like to reccomend the grieving series books by Alan Wolfelt. When 4 boys from our community were killed in a car accident, the parents were all given these books by a counselor in the area & they have reccomended them, & passed them on to others.
He has many books on grieving, including the one that I bought - "Healing The Adult Siblings Grieving Heart" - it is not a fix all (obviously) but they do give some good ideas/reccomendations on how to get through each day! And it made me feel more "normal" for feeling the way I was feeling about some things after my brother died.

These books are not sit down & read story book type books, but more like something you can read 1 page per night if that's how you want to do it. Each page is a new reccomendation/inspiration.

Here is Healing a Parent's Grieving Heart:

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Parent...s=alan+wolfelt

And this might be helpful for you also:

Healing Your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration During the Holiday Season

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-H...olfelt+holiday

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers! Sending hugs!!! One day at a time...
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  #40  
Old 10-04-2012, 02:49 PM
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Thank you Holiday, I will check those out.
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