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  #11  
Old 07-19-2008, 12:53 PM
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First of all, love and support to everyone who has raised their child with love - no matter how they did it!

My husband and I alternated being the "stay-at-home-parent". Our children are extremely close and loving to both of us. (And, all our children thiink it is GREAT for either mom or dad to be the stay-at-home one. And they are all very involved with their own spouses and kids.)

During their childhood, it broke my heart that we couldn't give them all of the financial benefits of the two-working-parents families around us. All our children worked at jobs as soon as they could - baby-sitting, paper boy, lawn mowing, and then at restaurants and stores. In retrospect, I see how it made our children extremely generous, hard-working, good people - who are all very financially successful.

So, do the best you can as you raise your children - with love. Don't criticize other people - and don't let anyone criticize you.

And about the money -- I've heard it said that "people are with money the same way they are with love". In other words, if someone is completely generous and "doesn't count the cost" with their money with you, that is the way they will be with their love with you. That has been true in my life. My husband has been as generous as can be to me and to his children - with his love and with his money.

And you know what -- I bet there are millions of other loving couples, where money is handled differently in each one.
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  #12  
Old 07-24-2008, 04:39 PM
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Sweet_Pea1992 Sweet_Pea1992 is offline
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Back in 1994, I was in a head-on collision, that has left me disabled. My youngest daughter at that time was only 3 months old, and my oldest daughter was 6. My oldest didn't know anything but babysitters and daycare up until the accident. To this day, I am a SAHM, and I wouldn't have changed any of it, except maybe the accident. Money isn't everything, and things have been real tight for the past 15 years. My children don't have the latest fashions, or the newest gadgets, but they have love, and hearts of gold. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

Respectfully, you really need to talk to your husband, and make those decisions, together. The key to all of this is communication.....Always! Talk honestly and openly to each other, and remember....just because you decide on something now, doesn't mean it can't be changed later.

Good Luck to you and your growing family. God Bless!!
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Old 07-31-2008, 02:18 AM
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Well, I am a stay at home mother, mostly not out of choice because childcare and daycare etc is just too expensive. What I might earn in a week would be spent on daycare, so the logical thing is to stay at home. But, I wanted to be home with my daughter because I didnt like the idea of someone else bringing my daughter up throughout the most important years.
I went to college/university, after that I had some work in retail. Then I got married and soon after my daughter came along and for the past four years Ive been home with her. It is hard, as I dont see many people throughout the day...yes it can get pretty lonely!! My husband is a welder by trade but is soon to be looking for another job. He isnt on great money for what he does and sometimes we have to tighten our belts. But we're fine, we dont go without, certainly not paige, my daughter. The only problem stopping me from going back to work now, is Paige is still in half day at nursery for another year!! Which is why im doing a course now so when shes eventually in fulltime , at least I can go out to look for a job doing something I want to do or work freelance.
Its important to have a life aswell. Do make time for you and your partner.
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  #14  
Old 07-31-2008, 06:24 AM
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I am a stay at home mom and have been since 2004. I was in the Army before and when I got out, it was hard to find a job that I liked. I bounced through several jobs before I decided to go to college. I went to college a few hours a couple days a week and stayed at home with my son the rest of the time. After I finished my A.A. degree I started taking online classes and became pregnant again. To this day i'm still taking online classes and I graduate with my B.A. in Psychology in December. We have a 2 year old daughter who I have stayed home with from day 1. I can't imagine leaving her with anyone else, although with my son I had to because I was in the Army when I had him.

My husband is in the Army and his income more than supports our family. We have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I do miss talking to adults and I don't really have any friends to have play dates with so it does get lonely. But I know my daughter loves having me home. My son starts kindergarten in August and before that he was in preschool. Once I graduate I will be furthering my education and possibly looking for a job because I want to work. I guess my main thing is that I don't want my DD to be in daycare until she is old enough to tell me what went on during the day.
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  #15  
Old 07-31-2008, 07:01 AM
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I have been a stay at home/wife for 17+ years... I married my husband when I was only 17 and we decided before marriage that he would work outside the home and I would be the one staying home and taking care of the kids... I LOVE it. I cant ever imagine anything else.. I didnt have children to put them in a daycare. He has always supported me and has never told me to "go get a job" because he knows this is my job... his money that he makes is our money... my children have never known anything different... I just couldnt imagine not being here for them when they got up in the mornings or home from school. Im very much a gal from the 50's era you could say, because I enjoy this.. the cooking, cleaning, taking care of my hubs...
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  #16  
Old 07-31-2008, 08:40 AM
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I am a stay at home mom of five years. I have a 4 1/2 year old and a two year old. I am so happy that I was blessed with being able to stay home with our children. When our son was 18 months old I sat in a pediatrician's office and listened to him say he thought our son had "autistic tendacies". After I picked myself up he went into speech and occupational therapy. We also had therapists come to our house through an early intervention program. Our son just had an acutal autism test done and he is NOT on the spectrum. He still has difficulty in some social situations, noises, and in certain stores due to the space (has a fit in Lowe's). But, I firmly believe if I had not been able to stay at home with him he would not be doing this well. That is why I said I was so blessed with being able to stay home. Not everyone has this choice to make. Some families need two incomes. This is a decision each family has to make for itself. Once the decison is made I pray it is supported by all around you. After all, aren't we all just mommies and daddies doing what we need to do?
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  #17  
Old 07-31-2008, 09:54 AM
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I have been a stay at home wife for 5 years now. I worked full time in retail untill I married my husband. We were both older when we married. i was 42, he was 48. When we married, i went part time at the same retail store. I was very lucky they accomadated me, because i didn't want to work nights anymore. My hours were great, 8am-2pm. When the store closed in 2003, I stayed home and collected unemployment. For the first time ever, I knew what it was like to be a stay at home wife, and I really enjoyed it. My husband liked me being home too, so we decided to keep it that way. Like other posters here, it's not my husband's money, it's OUR money. My husband is great about giving me money when I need it. I'm never bored being home. We have our own home, and I keep busy. I'm busy in our home, but I also have interests of my own. My husband and I love our life, and wouldn't have it any other way.
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  #18  
Old 08-02-2008, 05:29 AM
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Okay, I'm going to risk alienation here, but I feel compelled to add my further thoughts on this.

Reading through this thread, I think there is only one other post, apart than mine, where the mother works. I'm pretty sure there are other members out there that do work but I think are feeling a tad .....intimidated to post.

I'll admit to my hackles rising on a couple of occasions. Although I'm sure it wasn't intended, I feel mothers who work are being judged and left wanting over their choice to work instead of being a SAHM (as people say). It's not a clear cut case of "Well, if they were happy to settle for less, they could stay at home" In my own case, it simply wasn't an option to stay home but there are people out there that choose to work for whatever reason and they should NOT be made to feel that their children are somehow of lesser importance because they do not stay at home with them. Parenting does not begin and end with staying at home with your children. There are as many kids that go off the rails with mothers at home as do with mothers that work.

I'm REALLY pleased that your life choices work for you and that you wouldn't have it any other way, but please realise that there are others out there with alternative lifestyles and what works for you will not necessarily work for them and they should not be made to feel any less of a parent for their choice. No decision is ever entered into lightly, especially where your kids are concerned

Just my opinion.......

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  #19  
Old 08-02-2008, 07:26 AM
Scrappin Not Nappin Scrappin Not Nappin is offline
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It's a job

Being a stay at home spouse is a JOB! People pay day care but don't think about paying the person who is at home taking care of the kids. Decide now that if you'll be the person at home, you are worth as much as the best day care and private school tuition cost. Stay at home spouses are priceless. Have some money set aside each pay period for your personal spending and then spend it on yourself. You deserve it. And set up a time to be on vacation, the kids can go to day care for a few days every year.
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  #20  
Old 08-06-2008, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Maureen View Post
Okay, I'm going to risk alienation here, but I feel compelled to add my further thoughts on this.

Reading through this thread, I think there is only one other post, apart than mine, where the mother works. I'm pretty sure there are other members out there that do work but I think are feeling a tad .....intimidated to post.

I'll admit to my hackles rising on a couple of occasions. Although I'm sure it wasn't intended, I feel mothers who work are being judged and left wanting over their choice to work instead of being a SAHM (as people say). It's not a clear cut case of "Well, if they were happy to settle for less, they could stay at home" In my own case, it simply wasn't an option to stay home but there are people out there that choose to work for whatever reason and they should NOT be made to feel that their children are somehow of lesser importance because they do not stay at home with them. Parenting does not begin and end with staying at home with your children. There are as many kids that go off the rails with mothers at home as do with mothers that work.

I'm REALLY pleased that your life choices work for you and that you wouldn't have it any other way, but please realise that there are others out there with alternative lifestyles and what works for you will not necessarily work for them and they should not be made to feel any less of a parent for their choice. No decision is ever entered into lightly, especially where your kids are concerned

Just my opinion.......

very well said maureen. i agree completley.

i don't have any children yet, i am a trained theatre actress and i am trying so hard to get work, but it's a very difficult business to get established in, therefore until i have a little success and i am earning a little money i will not have children. once this happens, i believe i will still want to work once my kids are a little older, i see nothing wrong with that at all.

if people are lucky enough to have the option of being a stay at home mum and they want to, good luck to them, i can imagine it's hard work but very rewarding. if people aren't lucky enough to have the option to be a stay at home mum then i don't think it makes any difference to the well being of the child, the child will still be loved/cared for and the parent should not feel guilty, you can only do your best and that will be good enough.
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