My Merry Christmas

By Elf Ernest

10. That "Better Luck Next Year" banner that Santa left you before is still up.

9. When you ask Santa for a new BBQ to go with all that coal you've been getting for years now.

8. Your Mom tells Santa that your stocking is in the dryer.

7. Santa saw the empty Oreos bag on the floor but no cookies on the plate last year.

6. All that stomping registers on the Richter scale at the North Pole.

5. That scale measures most of your stomps at an 8 or higher.

4. The elves bet heavily against you just before the naughty list comes out.

3. They're naming hurricanes after you.

2. Your principal has got your parents phone number on "speed dial".

1. That darn photo of you in the post office gives you away every time.

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