North PoleNorth Pole Top Ten

Top 10 Things Never to Say on Santa’s Lap

10. Well, I guess it depends on your definition of naughty. 9. The doctor says it’s not that contagious. 8. I have a really good recipe for reindeer meat. 7. Sorry. I’m pretty nervous. Next time I won’t drink so much water before I come. 6. You can’t believe everything Mommy says, you know. 5. Red’s not really your color, is it? 4. You know, cookies and milk are really …
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Top 10 Things Santa Does to Pass the Offseason

10. Travels the world with a reindeer pooper-scooper. 9. Thinks up 12 more days of Christmas. 8. Writes new Christmas top ten lists. 7. Drops watermelons from the top of David Letterman’s house. 6. Takes pictures on the Easter Bunny’s lap. 5. Walks the malls muttering “Where’s my chair?” 4. Sends clever audition videos trying to get on “Survivor” 3. Elf bowling (you figure it out) 2. Tries to understand …
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Top 10 Ways to Avoid Getting Coal in Your Stocking

10. Don’t hang your stocking. 9. Fill your own stocking. 8. Put someone else’s name on your stocking. 7. Sew your stocking shut. 6. Put mousetraps in your stocking. (CAUTION: Could backfire.) 5. Leave all your lights on to make Santa think you’re still awake. 4. Stay up late and plead for mercy when the Coalman cometh. 3. Leave Santa tickets to the next Cardinals game instead of cookies. 2. …
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Top 10 Questions for Job Applicants at the North Pole

10. Do you still get coal in your stocking? 9. What color is the red sleigh? 8. If Mr. and Mrs. Claus gets into an argument, who is right? 7. Have you ever roasted chestnuts? 6. When Jack Frost nips at your nose, do you nip back? 5. Just what is a holly-jolly Christmas? 4. Have you ever dreamt of, say, a purple Christmas? 3. Is “Frosty the Snowman” really …