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2017 Celebrity Bucket Kickers

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Jeff Westover, Dec 31, 2016.



  1. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    In keeping with a longstanding tradition – which some now claim has ancient ties to yearly rites of passage in the New Year – we present to you now our lowest form of human entertainment, our annual death poll.

    Yes, it’s sick. It’s twisted. It’s warped. It’s cruel. It’s weird. And it’s back!

    This merry exercise, which is rumored to be one of the 12 days of Festivus, takes a stand against mourning, makes the sad happy, turns a frown upside down, and spits in the eye of morbidity.

    After thousands of years observing the human condition and considering all the possible outcomes we have determined that nobody born into this world escapes death. Not one!

    Why not have a little fun with that?

    Why spin the art of prediction, practice the craft of prophecy or cast an eye to the future on boring and depressing things like natural disasters, the value of the dollar or the eventual winner of the World Series?

    Why dabble in the predictive mundane when you can take real, famous, important or rich people and cast them ahead of time to their eventual fate?

    Every year we see the same thing: a year-end stream of death, sad and endless, of the notorious who leave the earth – many unexpectedly and usually under sad circumstances.

    In shock and sadness, we note their passing with negative energy and vague declarations of “He was so great!” or “She will really be missed!” or “What a loss!”

    You can turn those year-end expressions to happier sentiments of “Did you see that one coming?” or, my personal favorite, “Was he on your list?”

    Let me give you an example. Last week when Zsa Zsa passed away, instead of groans of loss and grief, I was showered with “Congratulations!” (Poor Zsa Zsa was on my list for years).

    Yes, it is an annual celebration of bucket kickers. And it is harder than you think.

    Every New Year’s weekend for more than 30 years now I have agonized over who will buy the farm in the future.

    It is serious business to determine just who will be pushing up daisies in the year ahead.

    Scarier still, come next year, you have to account for your skill in death prognostication. Can you imagine how such foresight will look on your resume?

    Now, such a daring exercise isn’t without risks.

    It is important to always insert this disclaimer before engaging in such scandalous predictive activity: we don’t actually WISH death on anyone in the New Year.

    In fact, if someone survives our list, we congratulate them!

    It is not easy to get this right.

    Fidel Castro, a stubborn survivor of our list for many years, failed to make our list this past year. So naturally, when he kicked off, we were HAPPY for him.

    (This is a game in which there are only winners. That’s pretty hard in any business, let alone the art of death and dying).

    And there are a few rules to this. You can’t just put your list out there without a degree of accountability. You have to stand up to your list of last year – bear your soul, as it were – when it comes to your skills of selective death.

    That being said, I can happily report, after a several year drought of getting death almost completely wrong, a pretty decent year in 2016 in the tombstone sweepstakes.

    Here is who I said last New Year’s weekend would check out in 2016:

    1. Pope Benedict

    2. Pope Francis

    3. Billy Graham

    4. Kirk Douglas

    5. Zsa Zsa Gabor

    6. Muhammad Ali

    7. Shirley MacLaine

    8. Angie Dickinson

    9. Sean Connery

    10. Angela Lansbury

    I got two out of ten, not my best year, but certainly a better performance than in recent years.

    To those eight who survived my list, congratulations. You win again. You are a cockroach in the race of life, a survivor of the first order.

    And now, after minutes of heartfelt contemplation, here is who I predict will kick the bucket in 2017:

    1. Kirk Douglas (more than a DECADE on my list, truly an independent spirit)

    2. Olivia de Havilland

    3. Doris Day

    4. Jerry Lewis

    5. Shirley Jones

    6. Bob Dole (back on the list after a reprieve of a few years)

    7. Valerie Harper

    8. George H.W. Bush

    9. Betty White (not a popular pick, but I wasn’t the one that jinxed her)

    10. Don Shula

    There are many, many others who could have easily made this list. I left off Jim Nabors, Clint Eastwood, June Foray, Ross Perot, Jimmy Carter, Buzz Aldrin, Robert Duvall, James Earl Jones, Ed Asner, Hal Linden, William Shatner, Willie Mays, Rod Carew, Dick Van Dyke and Dan Rather. All great candidates! And there are many more.

    There are all kinds of strategies to employ in this exercise. You have to take into account overall age, health, lifestyle and environment. Sometimes it is tempting to aim for the low hanging fruit of life, people like Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan – the fast living who become the suddenly dead.

    You could take a look at my list this year and accuse me of playing it safe. Look at all those 90+ year old lifers!

    But years of doing this has given me wisdom and I chose who I chose based on experience. My average year is one or two. A good year is three. Once I think I got as many as five. It is not easy to do well.

    Why do this?

    Because life is too short.

    And is it fair to pick on celebrities? Absolutely. Elvis has been gone for 40 years and he still made more last year than most of us will make in a life time. There needs to be a price paid for celebrity, even while they are dead. Rest in peace, by all means, but entertain us to the end. Haha.
     
    NcGunny likes this.
  2. NcGunny

    NcGunny Candycane Wrangler MMC Emeritus Member

    Priceless!!! My number 1 pick has to be.......
    Bill Clinton (have you seen the looks of this guy recently?)
     
  3. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    I hadn't considered that. But not a bad prognostication given the year the Clintons have had...
     
    NcGunny likes this.
  4. made582

    made582 MMC's Ambassador to the North Pole Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa Louann Jeffries Award

    Okay here we go-

    1. George H.W. Bush
    2. Hugh Hefner
    3. Rob Kardashian
    4. Billy Graham
    5. Prince Phillip
    6. Buzz Aldrian
    7. Stan Lee
    8. Keith Richards
    9. Michael J Fox
    10. Randy Travis
     
  5. ballcoach

    ballcoach Guest

    LOL! Jeff said a good year is three....guess it depends! If you are on the list, 3 sure as heck isn't good!
     
  6. Meceka

    Meceka MMC Associate Editor Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa MMC Donor Louann Jeffries Award

    1. Marion Ross
    2. Olivia de Havilland
    3. Stan Lee
    4. Betty White
    5. Mel Brooks
    6. Clint Eastwood
    7. Cloris Leachman
    8. Mary Tyler Moore
    9. George H.W. Bush
    10. Christopher Plummer
     
  7. George Broderick Jr.

    George Broderick Jr. Santa's Mentor Christmas Crew MMC Lifer MMC Partner

    My prediction from last year...

    "The thing about these lists is they all seem to feature OLDER people... it's easy to predict someone like Glen Campbell (with Alzheimer's) but the truly SHOCKING ones are younger people who die in accidents, suicides, murders or from drug overdoses... so my list is only ONE prediction...

    That one younger person you'd NEVER have suspected of dying in 2016 (name withheld)..."


    I think I nailed that one!

    My only prediction for 2017 is Queen Elizabeth.
     
  8. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    Great list. Keith Richards though....could be problematic. Brave choice!
     
  9. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    If I recall your list last year was pretty strong...how did you end up, Meceka?
     
  10. MerryCarey

    MerryCarey A Voice from the North Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa MMC Donor Louann Jeffries Award

    Carl Reiner is up there in age ... along with Betty White, one of the very few left from the pioneer days of TV. I don't want to jinx him, though!
     
  11. NcGunny

    NcGunny Candycane Wrangler MMC Emeritus Member

    Here it is after much thought:
    1. Bill Clinton
    2. Hugh Hefner
    3. Michael J Fox
    4. Charlie Sheen
    5. Tiger Woods
    6. Dolly Parton
    7. John Travolta
    8. 50 Cent
    9. Harrison Ford
    10. Clint Eastwood
     
  12. RadioJonD

    RadioJonD ♪♫Mistletoe Mix-ologist♫♪ Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa Christmas.com Alum Christmas Talk Alum

    "We need to start thinking about what kind of world we are leaving Keith Richards." - A quote from somewhere in the recesses of FaceBook.
     
    Jeff Westover likes this.
  13. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    Wow, a courageous list indeed. I think Hef might be an inspired choice. Most of those would be real shockers.
     
  14. made582

    made582 MMC's Ambassador to the North Pole Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa Louann Jeffries Award

    Yeah, there may still be enough drugs left in his system to kill any kind of disease that might try to take him.
     
  15. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    LOL, exactly.
     
  16. Jeff Westover

    Jeff Westover Chief Santa Tracker Christmas Crew MMC Founder

    I actually considered Carl Reiner. That will be a sad day indeed.
     
    MerryCarey and NcGunny like this.
  17. He_Is_Born

    He_Is_Born Ornament Craftsman MMC Lifer

    1. Tony Bennett (the singer, not the coach)
    2. Kanye West
    3. Lena Dunham
    4. John McCain
    5. Ric Flair
    6. Frankie Valli
    7. Loretta Lynn
    8. Johnny Mathis
    9. Joe Namath
    10. Michael Dukakis

    Have a healthy and death free 2017. - HIB
     
  18. NcGunny

    NcGunny Candycane Wrangler MMC Emeritus Member

    I have silently always awaited Lindsey Lohan's departure. Matter of fact..she is my pinch hitter this year..lol
     
  19. Meceka

    Meceka MMC Associate Editor Christmas Crew MMC Lifer Knights in the Service of Santa MMC Donor Louann Jeffries Award

    2 out of 10: Gene Wilder and Zsa Zsa Gabor
     
  20. SW1Dennis

    SW1Dennis Mrs. Claus' Executive Assistant MMC Lifer

    :ringy


    Well, here goes. I'm not too sure how I did last year, however here is my list.

    1. Jimmy Carter
    2. George H.W. Bush
    3. Kirk Douglas
    4. Betty White
    5. Betty Lynn (Thelma Lou from Andy Griffith)
    6. Glen Campbell
    7. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
    8. Olivia de Havilland
    9. Former Vikings head coach Bud Grant
    10. Current worlds oldest person
     

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