Other Than Food-Pas: 8 Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving with Your Family
Not food, but another potential disasters!
This was in the Employee Assistance Program newsletter emailed today to State Employees. RJD
8 Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving with Your Family
For some families, holidays are just another excuse to get together to eat good food and to have a good time. If you have a challenging family, it’s only human to be a bit jealous to see other folks living out the holiday fantasy when you’re just trying to live through it. Just because it’s always been that way doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a lifetime of Thanksgivings where you just grin and go to your happy place until, thank goodness, it’s over! With a little planning and some social engineering, you can take control of the situation and make this Thanksgiving feel better.
Consider using the following tips to avoid at least some of the usual family drama:
Line up some co-conspirators. Chances are you’re not the only one who is irked by your family’s dysfunctional routines. Figure out who you can call on to help make things different. Then brainstorm ways to steer certain
individual’s most troublesome antics in a different direction.
Give challenging relatives an assignment. Is someone always critical of the menu? Ask her if she would please bring that complicated dish that is her trademark so she’ll have a place to shine. Is there a teenager who mopes
about, bringing everyone down? Maybe offer to pay him to entertain the younger set for a couple hours after dinner so the adults can talk.
Invite “buffers.” Most people’s manners improve when outsiders enter the scene. Think about elderly people in your church or community whose grown children live far away, or divorced friends whose kids are with the other
parent this year.
Nowhere is it written that you must serve alcohol. If there are problem drinkers in the family, let everyone know ahead of time that you are holding an alcohol-free party. Everyone will be spared another holiday ruined by
someone’s inability to handle their drinking.
Take charge of seating. Have some of the younger kids make place cards and assign seats. Folks are less likely to switch places when admiring kids’ handiwork. Put people who rub each other the wrong way at opposite ends
of the table. Seat the most troublesome person next to you so you can head off unfortunate conversation topics as soon as they start.
Give kids a way to be included. Then set them free. Kids are simply not going to enjoy being trapped at a table with adults (especially dysfunctional adults) for extended periods of time. They get restless. Yes, they should be
expected to behave during the meal but head off complaints by planning something for them to do while the adults linger at the table. Movies, board games and crafts are all good ideas.
Provide escape routes. Togetherness is not for everyone. If most people will be watching football, set up a movie in another room for those who want out. Ask for help in the kitchen to give the overwhelmed person a graceful way to withdraw from the bore who is boring her. Suggest a before or after-dinner walk for people who need a breather.
After everyone leaves, reward yourself. Sink into your favorite chair and give yourself credit for trying to make a difference. It takes a lot of
time and effort to make significant change in the habits and attitudes of one’s family. Any small step in the right direction is something to
be thankful for. Good for you!
Article by: By Marie Hartwell-Walker, ED.D.
iggyback::gobble:I've been watching FOOD NETWORK all week and they had many viewers write in to talk about their Thanksgiving Day disasters! Now I want to hear about yours!
