I love the debates of Christmas and none is more pleasing to me than the arguments about Christmas music.
Christmas music tends to run the gamut — from syrupy kids stuff to the chants of sacred hymns. That is what makes it so wonderful. But Christmas also has a dark side — a delicious, outrageous, naughty dark side.
Only at Christmas could you get away with the songs listed below. These songs are rich with innuendo and not-so-subtle stories about alternative Christmas, um, activities. There are not a lot of messages of hope, or light, or peace in these songs. Just the goodwill of season, that’s about the best we can say about them.
Now, of course — there are dozens of songs I could have added to this list. But I’m only listing the most obvious, still-frequently-heard classics that innocently get played on the radio and even hummed by the kids, even if unknowingly. You don’t have to be a genius to write or sing a dirty Christmas song. But to get radio stations to play it every Christmas over and over and over, well, that takes a special kind of talent.
Here are my top five songs that put the X in Christmas:
1. Santa Baby
When you consider that this song found its popularity in the 1950s it kind of blows your mind. The song is all about a gold digger and her sugar daddy and it has all the subtlety of a brick when she asks Santa to “hurry down the chimney tonight”:
2. Baby It’s Cold Outside
The most famous version of this song was recorded by Dean Martin, who seemed oddly appropriate as the male “wolf” in this song plying drinks on a girl to get her to spend the night. Though it is popular only at Christmas the song actually never even mentions Christmas. The song has come under fire for a variety of obvious reasons but remains used in films such as “Elf” and it enjoys being covered by artists of all types:
3. Backdoor Santa
You might not hear this one as much on the radio but it does get played. Again, there’s nothing subtle about it. The song is a reflection of the era it was created as well as a good representation of Christmas soul:
4. All I Want for Christmas is You
This song is the most popular Christmas tune of the past 20 years and it’s now in classic territory as it continues to be played and requested each holiday season. But is it just a simple love song? With lyrics like “Cause I just want you here tonight, Holding on to me so tight…” it isn’t technically dirty but there is plenty suggestive about it — and nothing particularly Christmasy is in the song:
5. Santa Claus is Back in Town
The 1950s Christmas albums of Elvis Presley were controversial and this song did nothing to take the spotlight off of him. The big hubbub was over Presley’s butchering of White Christmas but this song is the one that has gone on the classic status and it is filled with suggestive lyrics:
Special Mention:
Fairytale of New York by the Pogues
Americans don’t get the allure of this song. The lyrics are gritty, the vocals absurd, the story depressing. Sounds like Christmas right? Well, tell that to the UK where the song is considered one of the best Christmas songs ever. We give it a special mention because it highlights the regrets of drugs, sex and, well, rock ‘n roll for one who laments “I could have been somebody…”
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