Entries by Ed Zachary

Why Santa Doesn’t Use Eight Tiny Penguins

Fact: Santa uses reindeer to deliver the goods. When we grow up the first reference any of us hear to reindeer is in association with Santa (except for a few kids in Lapland) and so we simply think of them as Santa’s kind of animal. Everyone knows about it, and most people accept it without […]

Halloween: What’s the Point?

I don’t get Halloween. Ok, so there isn’t a seven-year-old kid alive who doesn’t like to dress up. And getting free candy door-to-door is an idea whose appeal is clear to see. But what’s the point? When you think of Thanksgiving there is no doubt what it is all about. Sure, like all holidays, we […]

Christmas Controversies

His neighbors call him “Crazy Mel”. And if you ever saw his home there in Memphis at Christmastime you’d know why he gained the name. He’s got more than 50,000 lights on his house. His house is so bright the space shuttle uses it as a landmark. And we’re not talking Graceland here. Mel and […]

The Parent Santa Connection

Reading Santa’s mail is an exercise in human psychology. There are the sweet letters from five-year-old girls who don’t ask for anything from Santa, they just want to send a letter where they can dot their I’s with a little heart. Seven-year-old boys are direct. Their letters read more like shopping lists. Quick, dull and […]

The Magic of Santa

Some people say that Santa is magic. I say that some people are morons. Santa is just a man. He has problems just like the rest of us. Broken fingernails, bunched up underwear, phone soliticitors and bad breath are as normal to Santa as they are to everyone else. He’s a regular guy. But– oh […]

How Santa Does It

One of the most common questions we get around here goes along the lines of “How is it possible that Santa Claus can visit the house of every child all in one night?” When kids ask this my initial response is “Sheesh, what kind of kid are you? Can’t you just accept that he does […]

The Rudolph Controversy

You’ve heard the song. You’ve seen the animated television special. Neither one is entirely accurate, nor are they good press for the North Pole. It’s high time to set the record straight. “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose…” — it’s true, his nose glows like one of those lights you see […]

Why There Really is a Santa Claus

Someone famous, when asked a particular question, answered by saying: “It depends what the definition of ‘is’ is.” The world mocks him still for the ignorance of his statement. But I tell you they are words of wisdom even if they came from the lips of a man who, under the circumstance, had no idea […]