{"id":25188,"date":"2017-03-24T10:32:53","date_gmt":"2017-03-24T16:32:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/?p=25188"},"modified":"2017-03-24T08:45:21","modified_gmt":"2017-03-24T14:45:21","slug":"the-christmas-movie-they-will-never-make","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/the-christmas-movie-they-will-never-make\/","title":{"rendered":"The Christmas Movie They Will Never Make"},"content":{"rendered":"

The world was underwhelmed with Mariah Carey\u2019s breathless announcement this week<\/strong><\/a> that she is turning her 1994 Christmas<\/a> tune \u2013 All I Want for Christmas<\/a> Is You<\/em> \u2013 into the next animated Christmas<\/a> movie. <\/p>\n

This clearly isn\u2019t the Christmas<\/a> movie we are waiting for. What we\u2019re waiting for is the Christmas<\/a> movie they will never make. <\/p>\n

The reason the world is underwhelmed is because we\u2019ve seen this before. White Christmas<\/a><\/em> the movie wouldn\u2019t be anything without White Christmas<\/a><\/em> the song. <\/p>\n

Grinch<\/em> the movie is not the classic that Grinch<\/em> the TV show proved itself to be. (Oh, and they\u2019re making it again<\/strong><\/a> as an animated feature with the deep-throated Benedict Cumberbatch as you-know-who but they pushed the project back a full year to 2018 because\u2026it sucks<\/em>). <\/p>\n

The water-downed recycling of a once-fresh Christmas<\/a> idea is just the way the world of merchandising creative works operates. <\/p>\n

And besides, what\u2019s an aging Pop Diva to do with her time anyway? <\/p>\n

You\u2019d think All I want for Christmas<\/a> is You<\/em> is the only song that Mariah Carey has ever recorded. (Here\u2019s the sad memo to Mariah: it\u2019s the only song of yours that people remember<\/em>). <\/p>\n

Christmas<\/a> is suffering from the worst drought ever in terms of an original Christmas<\/a> idea. <\/p>\n

There hasn\u2019t been a new movie, a new song or a new production that has captured the public\u2019s attention for well over a decade. <\/p>\n

Nothing since Elf<\/a><\/em>, fans. That was 2003, by the way. <\/p>\n

What we have instead had is a steady stream of lousy Christmas<\/a> offerings. <\/p>\n

Almost Christmas<\/a><\/em> \u2013 last year\u2019s big Christmas<\/a> release \u2013 just went to video to be watched now by all those who flocked to theaters last fall to see it. Oh, wait. You didn\u2019t see it?<\/em> Could it be because the previews were worse in two minutes than Christmas<\/a> with the Kranks<\/em> was over two hours?<\/p>\n

Same with 2016\u2019s Office Christmas<\/a> Party<\/em> \u2013 a movie so bad it is coming out now in April on video. <\/p>\n

April! You know what April is in the Christmas<\/a> business? It is bar none, the worst month of the year for selling anything Christmas<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Remember The Night Before<\/em>? Yeah, nobody else does either. Or Bad Santa<\/a> 2<\/em>?<\/p>\n

How about the collection of Krampus movies released in recent years? <\/p>\n

Losers — one and all.<\/p>\n

The one Christmas<\/a> movie they need to make they will never make. <\/p>\n

And that is because it is an original idea that espouses nothing of what Hollywood values. <\/p>\n

It is the story of St. Nicholas. <\/p>\n

A true story of a man made famous for his anonymous giving. <\/p>\n

Think about that. <\/p>\n

To Hollywood, that is no hero. <\/p>\n

Hollywood is home to people who champion phony ideas about political issues they know nothing about and they make movies about people who have never been real. <\/p>\n

They can\u2019t merchandise a real person who accomplished good works.<\/p>\n

Look what they did to Lincoln<\/em>. They couldn\u2019t tell his story without reducing him to a foul mouthed head case. <\/p>\n

They will never take on the story of St. Nicholas \u2013 the man, the myth or the legend. To them, Santa<\/a> doesn\u2019t sell unless he pees in public, swears at kids and chain smokes worse than Humphrey Bogart. <\/p>\n

Nicholas believed in God. He defended the divinity of Jesus Christ. He was saved by angels. Who do you get to pull off a character like that? <\/p>\n

Nicholas saved a major city from starvation, resurrected murdered children who had been pickled in a barrel, and was the patron saint of women, children and sailors. How do you make money from such stuff? <\/p>\n

Christmas<\/a> lovers want this story on film because it is the natural extension of the Christmas<\/a> story. It contains all the elements of Christmas<\/a> love<\/a>. <\/p>\n

But Hollywood sees no way to turn that into a movie franchise. It doesn\u2019t get the conflict and there\u2019s too much God in the story. <\/p>\n

What they want is the Santa<\/a> they have been giving us for decades. The one from A Christmas<\/a> Story<\/em> who sticks his boot in a kid\u2019s face. They want the Santa<\/a> of Miracle on 34th Street<\/em>, who gets put on trial for lunacy. They want the Santa-looking character in Home Alone<\/em> who just might be the Shovel Slayer. <\/p>\n

Yes, they want any kind of Santa<\/a> they can get \u2013 except for the real character all Santas are based on. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The world was underwhelmed with Mariah Carey\u2019s breathless announcement this week that she is turning her 1994 Christmas tune \u2013 All I Want for Christmas Is You \u2013 into the next animated Christmas movie. This clearly isn\u2019t the Christmas movie we are waiting for. What we\u2019re waiting for is the Christmas movie they will never […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25196,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","iawp_total_views":25,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[26,208,170],"class_list":["post-25188","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas-movies","tag-christmas-movies-2","tag-mariah-carey","tag-st-nicholas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25188","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25188"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25188\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}