{"id":4844,"date":"2013-09-23T03:26:24","date_gmt":"2013-09-23T03:26:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/?p=4844"},"modified":"2020-06-05T10:56:24","modified_gmt":"2020-06-05T16:56:24","slug":"top-ten-reasons-you-dont-want-to-be-an-elf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/top-ten-reasons-you-dont-want-to-be-an-elf\/","title":{"rendered":"Top Ten Reasons You Don’t Want to Be an Elf"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is no doubting the ambition of every kid out there to be one of Santa\u2019s elves. We hear it all the time. It is the most common question we get here at the North Pole<\/a>: how do I become an elf<\/a>?<\/p>\n

Kids, before you start sending in the emails and letters this year asking that question let me tell you this: you don\u2019t want to be an elf<\/a>. And I\u2019ve got ten reasons why:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Low urinals. Let\u2019s face it. Even an elf<\/a> has to take care of business. Not all elves are short but most are. And the world just isn\u2019t made for really short people.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
  2. \n

    High toilets. See #1. Same problem. There\u2019s nothing like going to the bathroom and taking a running leap just to reach the throne, you know?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Clothes. The world has expectations of elves. We\u2019re all supposed to look a certain way if we work for Santa<\/a>. The Elf<\/a> Union pretty much thinks the same way. So, it\u2019s pointy shoes, overalls and goofy hats for us. You try to be taken seriously when dressed like that.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    Girls. Working Santa<\/a> makes us unnecessarily popular. When a girl hears you work for Santa<\/a> they gush over you like you\u2019re the Gerber Baby. We hate that.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    Music. Again, this is an image thing. The world, thanks to Hollywood, thinks we begin work each day singing \u201cWe are Santa\u2019s Elves\u201d. Personally, I prefer to sing \u201cPour Some Sugar on Me\u201d but even Santa<\/a> forbids me to do that in public. Don\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  6. \n

    Diet. Sugar cookies, eggnog<\/a> and fruitcake have their place. But for the life of me, I just want a cheeseburger sometimes. Is that too much to ask?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  7. \n

    Gift envy. An elf<\/a> gets to see what every kid in the entire world gets for Christmas<\/a>. That\u2019s a bad thing. We usually end up wanting more things than we deserve. Jealousy is a big elf<\/a> problem.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  8. \n

    Letters to Santa<\/a>. We believe in Santa<\/a> too. We hang our stockings and write letters too. The problem here is that the elves in Santa\u2019s Post Office sees all the mail that comes in. We hear whispers all the time that say \u201cDid you hear what Elf<\/a> So-and-So wrote to Santa<\/a>?\u201d Awful.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  9. \n

    Reindeer poop. Yes, reindeer poop, too. Know who gets to pick that stuff up? Yup, those who are closest to the ground.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  10. \n

    Elf<\/a> bowling. \u2018Nuff said.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I\u2019m not saying you should lose your hope of becoming an elf<\/a>. It\u2019s a great job and, darn it, it looks great on a resume. And the gingerbread here at the North Pole<\/a> is fantastic.<\/p>\n

    But life here isn\u2019t all frosty snowflakes and pixie dust.<\/p>\n

    We work hard, we deal with things no one else in the world has to worry about and we never get holidays off. (We all work Christmas<\/a> Eve, can you imagine?)<\/p>\n

    So the next time you write to Santa<\/a> and ask \u201cWhat\u2019s it going to take?\u201d think long and hard about it. An elf\u2019s life isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    There is no doubting the ambition of every kid out there to be one of Santa\u2019s elves. We hear it all the time. It is the most common question we get here at the North Pole: how do I become an elf? Kids, before you start sending in the emails and letters this year asking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":30600,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","iawp_total_views":74,"footnotes":""},"categories":[94,86],"tags":[783],"class_list":["post-4844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-elf-ed-zachary","category-north-pole","tag-be-an-elf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4844","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4844"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4844\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30600"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4844"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4844"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mymerrychristmas.com\/x\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4844"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}