Happy New Year greetings! It is time once again for that annual tradition of frivolity and death. It is time for the annual celebrity dead pool.
Unlike other New Year traditions this is one rite of passage with meaning – after all, this stuff could actually happen.
Naturally, this is intended to be nothing more or less than good clean fun. I remind you that this is not a wish list. This is a contest of skill.
It is, perhaps, the only contest where winning means only that you were right and when you’re wrong, well, everyone wins.
Doing this is harder than one thinks. There are at the end of every year only about 90 celebrity deaths. The game requires that you choose ten names and, if you’re lucky, you MIGHT get two right.
If you consistently hit three or better, you’re hall of fame material. If you average only one, you are truly pathetic.
In other words, you must choose wisely.
This beloved tradition continues as it always has with an accounting of last year’s predictions.
For 2017, this was my list of who I predicted would kick the bucket:
1. Kirk Douglas (101) – WRONG. Again. 13 years this cockroach has been on my death list and he defied me yet again. He’s amazing. He’s got chiseled looks, that dimpled chin, he acts and, apparently, he is immortal.
2. Olivia de Havilland (101) – WRONG. Again. I haven’t always had her on my list but this does make about five years now. She survives again.
3. Doris Day (95) – WRONG. I got in trouble when I put her on my list. Not like the time when I put Dick Van Dyke on my list, but still, people didn’t like it.
4. Jerry Lewis (91) – RIGHT. Bought the farm on August 20th, 2017. Bless his heart.
5. Shirley Jones (83) – WRONG. I killed off the wrong Partridge.
6. Bob Dole (94) – WRONG. He spent three weeks in the hospital last fall. The big tease.
7. Valerie Harper (78) – WRONG. Mary went first instead of Rhoda. Pretty good considering she was diagnosed as terminal five years ago. Way to go, Val.
8. George HW Bush (93) – WRONG. Read my lips: he survives yet again.
9. Betty White (95) – WRONG. Stop hissing. She’s at the age where if I take her off the list, she’ll croak. Believe me, this is merciful.
10. Don Shula (87) – WRONG. He was my dark horse in 2017. He disappointed.
So I finish 2017 as a truly pathetic loser. See? I told you this was tough.
But, like a boss, I arise from the ashes of disaster to boldly make all new predictions for 2018. Perhaps I can still return to those glory days of the 1990s when I averaged about four or five year, a time when people had the decency to kick off on schedule.
Here is who will check out in 2018:
1. Kirk Douglas (He’s tradition).
2. Olivia de Havilland
3. Jimmy Carter (I wasn’t a Carter fan as president but he’s entertained me in many ways in his older years. This isn’t a happy prediction. I just think the termites are warming up here).
4. Bob Barker (The time is right).
5. Billy Graham (Back on the list. Faith restored.)
6. John McCain (Fatal diagnosis is not always a good reason to pick someone.)
7. William Shatner (Captain Kirk is a fighter. He’s coming out with another Christmas album first.)
8. Olivia Newton John (One of my first crushes. This one hurts).
9. Queen Elizabeth II (Time for some royal drama).
10. Wilford Brimley (Not a happy pick here either).
As you can see, I’m going out on a limb more this year. Many of the names above are from my alternate list.
My alternate list last year did really well. I predicted Jim Nabors, June Foray, Harry Dean Stanton and Don Rickles on that list. I could have had an epic year.
Unlike other New Year traditions this is one rite of passage with meaning – after all, this stuff could actually happen.
Naturally, this is intended to be nothing more or less than good clean fun. I remind you that this is not a wish list. This is a contest of skill.
It is, perhaps, the only contest where winning means only that you were right and when you’re wrong, well, everyone wins.
Doing this is harder than one thinks. There are at the end of every year only about 90 celebrity deaths. The game requires that you choose ten names and, if you’re lucky, you MIGHT get two right.
If you consistently hit three or better, you’re hall of fame material. If you average only one, you are truly pathetic.
In other words, you must choose wisely.
This beloved tradition continues as it always has with an accounting of last year’s predictions.
For 2017, this was my list of who I predicted would kick the bucket:
1. Kirk Douglas (101) – WRONG. Again. 13 years this cockroach has been on my death list and he defied me yet again. He’s amazing. He’s got chiseled looks, that dimpled chin, he acts and, apparently, he is immortal.
2. Olivia de Havilland (101) – WRONG. Again. I haven’t always had her on my list but this does make about five years now. She survives again.
3. Doris Day (95) – WRONG. I got in trouble when I put her on my list. Not like the time when I put Dick Van Dyke on my list, but still, people didn’t like it.
4. Jerry Lewis (91) – RIGHT. Bought the farm on August 20th, 2017. Bless his heart.
5. Shirley Jones (83) – WRONG. I killed off the wrong Partridge.
6. Bob Dole (94) – WRONG. He spent three weeks in the hospital last fall. The big tease.
7. Valerie Harper (78) – WRONG. Mary went first instead of Rhoda. Pretty good considering she was diagnosed as terminal five years ago. Way to go, Val.
8. George HW Bush (93) – WRONG. Read my lips: he survives yet again.
9. Betty White (95) – WRONG. Stop hissing. She’s at the age where if I take her off the list, she’ll croak. Believe me, this is merciful.
10. Don Shula (87) – WRONG. He was my dark horse in 2017. He disappointed.
So I finish 2017 as a truly pathetic loser. See? I told you this was tough.
But, like a boss, I arise from the ashes of disaster to boldly make all new predictions for 2018. Perhaps I can still return to those glory days of the 1990s when I averaged about four or five year, a time when people had the decency to kick off on schedule.
Here is who will check out in 2018:
1. Kirk Douglas (He’s tradition).
2. Olivia de Havilland
3. Jimmy Carter (I wasn’t a Carter fan as president but he’s entertained me in many ways in his older years. This isn’t a happy prediction. I just think the termites are warming up here).
4. Bob Barker (The time is right).
5. Billy Graham (Back on the list. Faith restored.)
6. John McCain (Fatal diagnosis is not always a good reason to pick someone.)
7. William Shatner (Captain Kirk is a fighter. He’s coming out with another Christmas album first.)
8. Olivia Newton John (One of my first crushes. This one hurts).
9. Queen Elizabeth II (Time for some royal drama).
10. Wilford Brimley (Not a happy pick here either).
As you can see, I’m going out on a limb more this year. Many of the names above are from my alternate list.
My alternate list last year did really well. I predicted Jim Nabors, June Foray, Harry Dean Stanton and Don Rickles on that list. I could have had an epic year.