Hi everyone. This is a tough post to make. I wanted to share my thoughts with you because I am deeply troubled by what I have been witnessing these past couple of evenings. I have been watching my wife's grandfather slowly die....Morbid, sad, comforting, relief, confused and just don't know what to think; "computing - computing - computing....." are just a few thoughts and words that are all running thru my mind to the point where my brain is starting to feel numb.
I love him and respect him as though he was my real grandfather (he was to me...) Grandpop and Grandmom always treated me with kindness, respect and with open arms, and was one of the first to welcome me into their fold; my wife's family.... We lost Grandmom about 15 years ago from a heart attack and now I'm watching grandpop slowly go....
I watch everyone, my MIL, my wife, my FIL and the love that they show, give and hold for grandpop is almost overwhelming to me. Brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.
But this process of him being in a Hospice, dying slowly, while I'm watching him holding on to life, one breath at a time is eating me up on the inside. When he became ill, the only way to fix him, would of been to put him thru a very rough surgery with 6-7 weeks of a feeding tube in him. He has dementia, arthritis so bad, he cannot grasp anything, walk or go to the bathroom by himself. He cannot dress himself, barely feed himself, etc... My MIL said no to the surgery since he was 94 years old. My wife and I supported her and her decision. And, now here we are, one week later. It could be tonight, tomorrow night, who knows, only God does when he will be ready to take him through the pearly gates of heaven.
But for me, right now at this moment, watching something that I have never seen before has got me all messed up in the head, heart and soul. It's just so very hard to watch......and accept!