Jeff's Official Review
Ok, back in the loving arms of my family for the first time on Idol night for weeeeeeeeeeeeeks, here is my review of Idol tonight:
First, the judges: Randy and Simon are having an affair. If they'd agree with each other any more I'd swear one of them was a ventriloquist. Nice to see that tonight Simon had better cleavage than Paula did. As usual, the judges were absolutely worthless.
Second, Ryan: tow thumbs up tonight for Ry-Ry. He didn't diss Simon and for the most part we forgot he was there. That's the way it is supposed to be.
Now, on to the performances:
1. Raimele -- singing Heart's "Alone" the Master Butcher of Season 2008 strikes again. Awful, dreadful, ear-splitting and painful. The judges inexplicably gave her a pass because she was evidently sick. I say she's history this week, as I've said the last five weeks running. (One of these days I'm going to be right).
2. Jason -- "Fragile" was his song choice this week and it may have been aptly titled. It was breathy and weak and dewy-eyed as usual. All the little girls fawned and then no doubt headed for their cell phones. Once this becomes about singing I predict this guy is headed for the door. But not until then. I had to laugh when Simon accused him of not taking his singing and song choices seriously and then Jason all but confirmed it by rolling his eyes and saying "yeah". Great TV.
3. Syesha -- Now that Amanda Skunkbutt is gone, Syesha is fully exposed for having the grandest female ego on the show. But she belted "If I Were Your Woman" and for the first time this season really looked like a contender tonight. She can sing, if she can just get over herself. Her attitude will be her undoing.
4. Chikezie -- This guy can sing but to the judges he can do nothing right. They were right in saying the song was a little boring and, well, packaged. But, make no doubt, Chikezie is a real singer and if he can stay away from canned material he will compete with the best. He could end up bottom three this week but that won't be because of a lack of talent nor professionalism in how he carries himself.
5. Brooke -- Straighten the hair, sat straight at the piano and screwed up in style. Brooke has a smoky-quality to her voice that is ultimately listenable. She sang "Every Breath You Take", which the judges said got weird as the band came in mid-way. Personally, I liked it better when the band came in. She's a class act and I'm rooting for her but she's coming across as one-dimensional and may prove lucky to make the top five at best.
6. Michael Johns -- We Are the Champions/We Will Rock You -- when this dude sings Queen, he rocks. The judges were having orgasms over the guy but everything my vocal coach ever taught me this guy did just the opposite. I thought for sure he was going to burst a blood vessel. I didn't think this was all that great shakes but he did overpower the band -- who was absolutely wretched on this song -- and I suppose this was a good thing. He was a favorite for me at the beginning but he's fading fast.
7. Carly Smithson -- She sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart", a song I have detested sing the first time I heard it. But when she started I immediately thought she was right for the song because it is a tough song to sing and she's got the pipes to do it. I thought she did well. Naturally, the judges dissed her proving once again that it's not cola they are drinking in those big red cups.
8. David Archuleta-- He sang "You're the Voice" and practically introduced the song to America. He got dinged for that by the judges. The kid has a clarity about his voice that is made for pop and I think as he matures a bit he'll go Donny Osmond for sure. Judging by the prepubescent screeches -- including those of every daughter in my house age 12 and under -- he's safe as Fort Knox. Simon peed all over David and it won't matter, he's teflon coated.
9. Kristy -- All American Girl sings "God Bless the USA" and nobody is going to diss the flag. She gets a pass from the judges but Carly didn't? Give me a break. Yeah, she looked like the girl next door tonight and she was better but what good does that do when she's compared to so many worse versions of herself. This girl, like Jason Castro, is there for one reason -- her looks. She is certainly no Carrie Underwood. Won't be too much longer for her.
10. David Cook -- My fav from the beginning because he's truly an artist. Can't believe he took a Michael Jackson staple and made it interesting. Singing "Billy Jean" David transformed the song as he continues to define himself as an original. He's got a future. Judges raved and, for the first time tonight, rightfully so. He's a cut above.
On the whole, the theme of "Sing the Year you were born" is pretty lame. I hope, one of these days, that we get to see someone other than the contestants choose the songs. Then we'll see a real separation in talent. I think Raimele, Kristy, Jason and Syesha are vulnerable and that over the course of the next month they'll all be history. Michael Johns, Brooke White and Chikezie will soon follow if they don't really start blowing people away with something different. Carly has got the pipes but not the stage presence and, frankly, she can be scary to look at with that tatoo and eye-bulging thing she does.
Ultimately this will get down to David and David. Mark it down, you read it here first.
Jeff