You should have seen the look on the social worker's face when I barely batted an eyelash when my husband zoned out right in front of him. We were having a conversation talking about power of attorney and other things. Gary was totally involved although I answered more questions than he did, but all of a sudden he had a blank look on his face like he was catatonic. I called his name, touched his shoulder, gave him a wee shake; told him to snap out of it and then pressed the button for the nurse. This has happened in the past, but he comes around within 10-20 minutes and acts as if nothing happened. When the doctor learned of this she came to speak with me and thought with all the other issues that it might be Lewi Body Dementia (Robin Williams diagnosis). Well, I lost it. They were flipping him upside down, his blood pressure dropped to 30 and it just hit me like a tidal wave. I knew there was a friend of mine on the ward working with other patients so I simply said, "I need KELLY! Get Kelly!" Another nurse fetched her and she came in and saw me and said, "Super Shawna; what's going on". She gave me a big hug and I said, "Gary's being a jerk. Looking for attention." (Not, but you know deflect and crack wise sometimes helps.) As he was coming around she went over and told him to stop being a pain in the butt. 5 minutes later he asked why the Social Worker left without saying goodbye and where his lunch was.
I had nearly forgotten about my appointment for my taxes with all the excitement and then took the fastest route I could think of and arrived 10 minutes late. No worries because we've known her along time, I used to see her at the gym a lot, but she mostly did laps in the pool.
I went back and they were treating him for arrhythmia; they also completed a form to discontinue his driver's license.
At 5:30, he ripped off the heart monitor and tried to remove the catheter saying, "That's enough of that - it's uncomfortable and I'm done with it." Not sure what's going to come of it, but he was of sound mind at the time, they can treat him, but they can't monitor him so I won't get answers about the cause of the episode. At least they ruled out Lewi Body Dementia. Or did they?
It's been rough, but I'll tell you, there were signs everyone that I was not alone in this journey. The social worker was someone I've known casually for several years as a cancer survivor and formerly with the military; retired in 2015 and works at the hospital now to act as an advocate for patients and determine a few other things and set wheels in motion for community services, etc.
When I was leaving, I bumped into someone I know through work; a former board member, but still very involved and the fellow in the next bed is a longer. She asked how I was and I said, "fine"; she said I didn't look fine that's when I realized my shield was down so I raised it up again and got back my strength.
So, back to the social worker's facial expression watching me calmly handle that dramatic experience with my husband; it's because it wasn't new to me.
That's when all my merry friends circled around me and I thought of myself as being like an aluminum Christmas tree.
The music rescued me.
I've got my super cape on; I'll get through it, but to be honest, I am waiting for the phone to ring with that dreaded call. So it's hard to be positive all the time, but he really looked "done" this time. I reminded him of his goals and then called number 2 son so they could chat on the phone and hopefully knowing they are coming to see him will help him stick around and fight a little longer.
I truly appreciate all of your good thoughts and prayers.