Well I guess today is the last day for me. It kind of has to be since the house will become occupied again come tomorrow night. Everyone had left when it was still semi-appropriate to have Christmas things up, so I figured I would just leave it until they got back. And now that time has come. As cute and cuddly as it might be to someone who understands it, at this point, to put it bluntly, I don't want to seem weird by having things still up. Even though I'm sure I'll overlook
some sign of it that someone will still notice or that makes it very obvious I only recently took it all down, which will result in the weird glances anyhow. A strand of lights outside is one thing, even inside, especially if they're white lights, I think that's okay to leave up all winter. But a decorated and lit up mid-size tree and shelves still all decked out in Christmas this late into January, with the right person it might be okay to leave up, but I haven't found her just yet, so at this point, it's got to go. At least I was able to carry it this far. I think it's kind of come and gone for me mentally these past few days anyway in terms of how strongly I want to do Christmassy things. Especially today with all the political happenings, kind of hard not to pay at least a little attention to it.
Now we're heading into the evening hours. I can't quite bring myself to take everything down just yet. I want to enjoy it one more night, and will just be forced to do it tomorrow morning before I go to work. And this evening I will certainly be putting on some last few DVR recordings from the season and not fast forwarding the commercials, before I have to delete all those tomorrow morning as well. Earlier today I had a couple of TVs going both with DVR recordings from the season, and just walking through the house and having those on, it was raining and cold and windy out, for a few brief moments it sure felt like it was right smack in the middle of December.
Maybe its because now in these last few hours I'm forced to finally end it once and for all which is why I'm starting to feel a little bit of that panic. I felt similarly last week on the evening before I went back to work, which is when I decided to extend it another week. There's only so many afternoons/evenings you can do this. I felt particularly weird last night though. A bit anxious, like something is missing. Now that it's finally all over it's almost like you have to re-learn what life was like without it. I'm a Halloween fanatic too, so basically starting in mid-September I'm in full holiday mode and it doesn't drop off until now in mid-January. A full four months is what I consider officially "The Holidays". I can even look as far back as August, and while I'm not exactly thinking it's holiday time just yet, there's still that little flame I can recall being lit up inside just knowing what is to come pretty soon. So now with it all just about over with and done, it's almost like I forget what it's like to approach the day without it being here.
It's so crazy to think about the energy and fervor that occupies your home and your life while it's here. That fullness to each day that is just ever present, even if you're literally doing nothing at all but just sitting there. Even more so when things are happening among you and the people around you. It doesn't always have to be anything exciting, could be something as simple as sitting down for dinner, just those day to day occurrences and interactions. You look back and those days just seemed so much more alive and meaningful. Then especially those days where you did do something active, like go to the tree lot, decorate, go Christmas shopping, or go out to a movie. It carries just so much more meaning when you reflect on it after the season is over.
In the past I've kept a journal. Not a feelings journal (I do that here

), just something to list everything I did each day, from tiny insignificant things like what I had for dinner or what movie I watched to the bigger events. Because one of the things that used to frustrate me was looking back at the end of the season and not remembering all that I did and when, and it would make the PCBs that much worse. So one year I just started writing everything down that happened and it totally worked. Not only did it slow down the season for me but I was able to look back when it was over and remember, week by week, day by day, each exact moment, what I was doing, and what it felt like. Didn't really get around to doing the journal this year though.
It's funny. Even the things that I absolutely loathed during the season end up becoming things that I miss. Like a commercial for example. This year, that movie Why Him with James Franco, I could not stand seeing the commercials for it. The movie just looked so insanely asinine and crass. And yet, I'll be watching a DVR recording now from December, see the commercial again, and think "huh, I kind of miss seeing that all the time". Just because any indication that it was the holidays turns into a memory from it. Or like with family members when they visit during the holidays, there's things that might annoy me a bit, as within any family, that I will then later on miss not having to deal with simply because it was something I did during the season. I'm not trying to sound too negative with this point, I mean it very lightheartedly and as something to be laughed at. It's just so weird, there has got to be something going on in my brain during the season, some release of something, that cements these memories as having more significance to me than when things happen any other time of the year. I mean, how else could I possibly look back and miss something from during the holidays that might otherwise leave somebody resentful any other time of year? Again, I'm not trying to make this a serious point at all and mean it as light heartedly as I can.
I honestly don't know how people do it who only consider the holidays to last merely for the 5 week period between Thanksgiving and New Years, sometimes not even that long. And even during those weeks it can seem like hardly a big deal to a good amount of people until the holiday itself actually arrives. I'm not criticizing anyone, and I get some people might have their reasons. I'm just saying I couldn't not be in a festive mood even if I tried. So much so that it starts way earlier and ends way later than it does for about 99.99% of the population.
Anyways, that's probably my last long post for now. I want to thank the members here for allowing to come on every day and lament how I feel. I've kept up with the thread and know that my little whinings pale in comparison to some of things some of you have faced recently. I really wish you all the best and I've certainly kept you in my thoughts and prayers. I can't thank the members of this forum enough for being here and for being such a supportive community to each other. It really means a lot to have MMC.