Carpe Diem!
Thank you all for such caring words and thoughts... It is greatly appreciated, this is one of the main reasons I love it here

besides my own family and DB, this is my go to place to open up. I am so very sorry for posting about my cousins suicide... And the reason is I am the type that tries to hide my emotions, doesn't talk about ( well try not too talk about) negative or upsetting things... I don't want people to think I'm a whiner, or I need attention. There are people who I thought really cared about me... Who have taught me, not from personal experiences... But from what they do to others that they really could care-less, and that I am just being whiny, or that it is for attention and that I'm not really that sad. So when I come on here and see all of your guys' love, and concern etc it brings tears to my eye and joy to my heart.
Now to elaborate a bit about my cousin, Travis. He had a very rough life, back and forth between his moms and dads house. In his late teens got Into some serious stuff, but ended up in rehab and from what I understood was doing great! Ditched all the "negative" people in his life, was sober.. Was happy. He was a month older than I. It's really awful to have to talk about family in pass-tense. Anyways, him, his mother and sister lived in the same town as I did when he was probably 13-14. Now we weren't super close at that time, or ever really ... But I was at there house almost everyday or vice versa.