Top 10 Ways to Avoid Getting Coal in Your Stocking

10. Don’t hang your stocking.

9. Fill your own stocking.

8. Put someone else’s name on your stocking.

7. Sew your stocking shut.

6. Put mousetraps in your stocking. (CAUTION: Could backfire.)

5. Leave all your lights on to make Santa think you’re still awake.

4. Stay up late and plead for mercy when the Coalman cometh.

3. Leave Santa tickets to the next Cardinals game instead of cookies.

2. Call the cops, have Santa arrested.

1. Line your chimney with superglue.