Take your wife next time. Problem solved!
While we're talking about the Pines...
I would like to clear the air and address the elephant in the room:
I apologize for my conduct last night. I'm not sure what all I did. Carl gave me something to drink and promised it was only coffee. Next thing I know I'm waking up on my front lawn with no recollection of how I got there, wearing a sombrero that I've never even seen before. Needless to say, my wife was very disappointed in me.