The Magic of Santa

Wasatch Wagyu

By Elf Ed Zachary

Some people say that Santa is magic. I say that some people are morons.

Santa is just a man. He has problems just like the rest of us. Broken fingernails, bunched up underwear, phone soliticitors and bad breath are as normal to Santa as they are to everyone else. He’s a regular guy.

But– oh yes, he’s Santa. And that makes him special. But there isn’t a lot of magic involved with what Santa does.

People use the excuse of “it’s just magic” to explain how Santa can get around the world in one night (which I’ve already explained). Or they say he expands or shrinks in size somehow to get into your chimney. They say he has “mystical powers” to know if you’re good or bad. On the surface, it would appear to a doubting world that Santa is a magician and many are content to nod in agreement with that assessment.

People who say these things are weak-minded trolls who probably can quote you every conspiracy theory from Area 51 to the toilet cleaning properties of Coca-Cola.

Don’t kid yourselves, folks. Santa uses no special effects and he has no cards up his sleeve. He doesn’t believe in magic. And he doesn’t want you to, either.

Santa is a man of truth. There will be those out there who tell you otherwise. They will tell you the whole idea of Santa is a myth. Some will even go so far as to say that Santa is all about deception. But I tell you that an objective look at the facts and, frankly, the results that Santa brings in terms of happiness to believers all over the world are all the proof you need of his veracity and the fact that he doesn’t employ magic in any way to do what he does.

Let’s talk some specifics here to prove the point:

Take, for example, the mystery of how Santa gets down all those hot, dark and dirty chimneys. Let’s start with some common sense: Santa goes down your chimney only when he has to. If he can get in the front door, he will. I hate to burst everyone’s bubble on this. But think about it. If you’ve got to get around the world in less than 24 hours and visit literally millions of homes in the process you’re going to have to find a faster entry point than a chimney. Often Santa finds the front door unlocked and simply waltzes right in. Nothing magical about that.

But even when a chimney is Santa’s only resouce, he does go down it — feet first. Why feet first? Because his boots are more fire retardant than his head. See? There’s no magic in it. Santa is a realist in every sense of the word.

And since we’re shattering myths here lets straighten out a few things relative to Santa’s sleigh. Yes, Santa’s sleigh flies. And yes, it is powered by reindeer. How do you explain that? Nobody else is seen in the sky in sleighs. They all have planes or helicopters or parachutes. But never a sleigh. What’s up with that? And reindeer! How do reindeer fly?

It has to be magic, right?

Nope. You don’t have to understand the technology of the telephone to know how to make a phone call. Likewise, you don’t have to “get” everything about Santa to believe in him. You just need to use some common sense.

Santa is, at heart, a scientist. He’s a tinkerer. He makes toys, for pete’s sake! He invented the Etch-a-sketch, the slinky, the Game Boy and Silly Putty. He’s a genius. Do you think then that a simple thing like flying would be any big deal to Santa?

Don’t ask me how he gets the sleigh off the ground. Don’t ask me how he makes a doll that can burp either. I’m sure there are those who in their boredom have performed doll autopsies just to see how Santa gets them to burp. And if the good folks at NASA could we know they would gladly tear Santa’s sleigh apart from top to bottom. And why would they give their eye teeth to do it? Because they know Santa doesn’t do it with magic.

The science community will tell you they watch Santa closely. After all, who was it that inspired the Wright Brothers to build and fly that plane at Kitty Hawk? It wasn’t a bird — it was a man! — that proved to be their inspiration. And at that point in history Santa Claus was the only human known to have sustained flight.

In a cynical world that grows more dubious, bitter and acrimonious with each passing Christmas season Santa has remained constant. That’s because Santa, for all his love of technology and futuristic design, really operates by one singular law that is just as mystical to humankind as magic. And that is the law of love. That is the only “mystical” principle that Santa subscribes to.

Love is the key ingredient that fuels Christmas giving. Love is what gracious receiving of gifts is all about. Love is what drives selfless service, anonymous donation, and, speaking in simple terms about the true meaning of Christmas — love is what drives one to give up His life for his friends.

Love is all the magic Santa needs. And it is all the magic he will admit to.

4 thoughts on “The Magic of Santa

  • August 13, 2015 at 11:42 am
    Permalink

    What kind of article? “He doesn’t believe in magic. And he doesn’t want you to ether.” What? I know Santa does believe in magic and what kind of message is this article sending by saying santa doesn’t want kids to believe in magic?

    Reply
    • August 13, 2015 at 11:45 am
      Permalink

      Yeah! I totally agree! This article must be fake. Because Santa definitely believes in magic. Personally i don’t think the editor of this article believes in christmas magic.

      Reply
  • August 13, 2015 at 12:27 pm
    Permalink

    Uh, ladies….he’s an elf. He works for Santa.

    Reply
  • August 29, 2015 at 3:52 am
    Permalink

    It is not fake! Read the article.

    Reply

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